A Sexually Charged Generation of Females

I am just as guilty as any other relationship blogger of having aspirations of becoming Carrie Bradshaw. Actually, that isn't true at all but I can see where the inspiration of that character has it's place in the mind of the late 20s to 30s female.

I am a pretty big Sex and The City Fan. I love both movies and although I was 15 the summer it premiered; I followed the show as best I could. By Seasons 5 and 6 I was engaged, married and having a baby of my own so I sort of hit fast forward and got to a relate-able stage in life alongside the show at the ripe age of 20. 

One of the most noticeable changes in American Culture is the ownership women have taken in being sexual creatures. Casual encounters are less taboo and widely spread in the bar/party scene. With characters like those in Sex and The City or Chelsea Handler and even more local relationship writers. You can do just about anything without feeling much shame and I live in the middle of the Proverbial Bible Belt.


As I write this I realize my sisters and closest friends are the main people I have shared this blog with, I haven't been quite ready for the mass of acquaintances to judge my ever changing relationship status' and past love conquests. Nor do I think My Future Husband would greatly appreciate our actual interactions being posted for others to access. So bare in mind, the audience I am speaking to is primarily Myself. 


Self: When did you become such a slut? OK, that is a bit harsh but by most standards I would be considered sexual promiscuous at best. With so many different ways to justify the one night stand and growing up in such a sexually charged environment. It's a wonder there are even girls left with a high moral compass that isn't based on some archaic religious belief. It is terrifying to think of what sexual expectations will be placed on girls by the time my own daughter comes to age. 




The movie Clueless was my bible in 7th grade. I can still recite the entire screenplay as well as sing the soundtrack. It was so sexually charged I don't think my mother every actually watched it, she just trusted those PG-13 guidelines. In those same formative years I actually knew girls that lost their virginity. Albeit wasn't the norm by any stretch but it happened and I was friends with them. I went from first kiss to deflowered in about a year. I don't regret losing my virginity at 16 to my High School Boyfriend, but I don't have the same since of fondness for the subsequent randoms, I hooked up with after he broke my heart. 


By the time I met my first husband, I was pretty comfortable with myself sexually which worked out fairly well since he was eight years my senior. But by the time we got divorced I had begun to associate rebound sex with the healing process- I still think that way. I remember in an off-handed hurtful conversation my ex-husband actually said to me, "Well, you have to get under one to get over another." He meant it. He spent the first three years of our life post-divorce breaking hearts. I spent it looking to fall in love again. As luck would have it here we are six years later, he is in a serious monogamous relationship and I am still single for the foreseeable future. 


I wasn't raised this way, I wasn't raised to have complete indifference towards the value of being sexually intimate. You wouldn't know of my fairly traditional Methodist upbringing by reading this blog. When did we as a society, and me personally begin to see sex as just sex. I obviously sleep with men I like, but generally there is little hope for a future. 


One of the things I hope to change in this year, with a little help from my therapist, is to regain a since of reverence towards sexual intimacy. Being sexually "free" has not done me much good in the relationship department over the past few years. Maybe my little heart wouldn't get so battered when I did share that experience with someone I care about. I also, wouldn't prematurely develop feelings for men... Ehem, MFH... if I took a little more time before sharing a bed. 

Here's to a little more self control and a lot more self love in the New Year!