An Open Letter to My JFK

JFK and I met back in February, we had a coffee meeting, some failed Saturday night plans, and a few Happy Hours. Communication was sporadic until the very end of April when we set a business lunch, which led to another Saturday night plan, which has now led to us being something more than just friends... I don't really know what this something is but it's been going on for 6 weeks, to the day actually and I am needing to find out... What better way than... An Open Letter to JFK


My darling JFK,

We need to talk (insert cringe here- every guy hates these words)... I have been thinking about a few things. I need to address them and once I get it all on the table I am going to feel so much better. For the last couple weeks but mostly the last several days I have been a little frustrated with our situation. 

First, I should say that this isn't some speech about me wanting more of a relationship. I am slightly frustrated with our lack of time together but honestly this one night a week thing and one lunch a week thing works for me. I like talking to you almost daily but to be clear this isn't intended to be some whiny needy push for a more serious relationship. I just want to explain my frustration, what I am hoping to accomplish and then find out where you are...  and where ever that is will be fine.


I get that we both have these insanely busy schedules. I am confident they are not going to get much better but currently, I feel like this weird obligation. Something you have to squeeze in to appease me. I hate that, if you don't want to see me or spend time with me then don't. I'll get over it, I promise. I just don't like feeling like an appointment that fits into a neat little time slot.

The whole reason I have yet to really force a conversation about "us" is because more than anything I don't want to lose what we have. I respect you so much and I think you are absolutely amazing. Your work ethic is remarkable. The way you motivate me to push further and work harder in my career is unprecedented. Your understanding of outside sales and your ability to celebrate or commiserate with what's going on in my day is what draws me to you. This is the most attractive thing about you. The thought of losing you in that capacity is devastating and I really want to insure that it never happens. 

But... We lack definition and I need definition because with out clear lines and boundaries we are both moving forward in a this relationship (friendship, FWB, business contacts, or whatever it is) without knowing the others' expectations. If we do not establish anything and just take on the whole go with the flow attitude which may seem easiest in your head, we are risking hurting the other persons' feelings unintentionally. Aside from the fact my mind wonders where ever it may so please and obviously, that is never a good idea. We need to figure out what this is, please.

If I take the current aspects of our scenario and just line them out it looks like this:
- We talk almost everyday
- We go out once a week for drinks or dinner and you always pay (by the way thank you)
- We sleep together, once a week but more times than not it is at a time other than when we go out for dinner or drinks. I state this because I want to be clear that every time we are together is not motivated solely by a sexual encounter.
- You send me motivational text messages every Thursday morning for my call session which I loathe but your little gems of encouragement, really do push me through that 4 hours.
- You are the anti-PDA and our public greetings are awkward side hugs. 
- If I am being honest, I initiate more than 50% of the communication between us. 
- We go over our schedules at the beginning of the week to find the possible holes that line up to see each other and then event invitations on our calendars are exchanged.

To me, this seems like we are dating. Not seriously dating, but dating. I'd like to think the slow progression is intentional and that we are forming a pretty tight little bond. 

Since our free time is such a precious commodity, I want to know if you are doing this 'not serious dating' thing with anyone else. I also really want to know if you are sleeping with anyone else. I am not and I really don't want to sleep with someone who is sleeping with other people... That seems slutty and grosses me out.  


I need a few little adjustments and a few questions answered to stave off this impending insecurity that is coming on full force. I am not insecure, well maybe I am but I try not to be. I am very independent and my life is very fulfilling without the need to be in a serious relationship. 


With all that said, sorry for getting all bitchy tonight when plans didn't go my way. 


xoxo


me