I am "friends" with this couple on Facebook. By friends I mean they have a son the same age as my daughter. We cheered for the football team he played for last season. We are more accurately passing acquaintances through the school our children go to, than actual friends.
This couple is going through a divorce, which by all accounts is tragic but I have never and I mean NEVER seen such immature behavior from two grown adults. I feel so strongly about this public display of break up maddness that I am writing The Do's and Dont's of Divorce, maybe more appropriately, Just the Dont's.
This little blog post is an open letter to the Canadian Couple about how screwed up their situation has become:
This little blog post is an open letter to the Canadian Couple about how screwed up their situation has become:
Dear Mr. and Mrs Canada (they are both originally from Canada hence the nickname),
In recent months my Facebook news feed has become bombarded with the drama that has consumed your relationship. First, I would like to say, I realize I have the power to delete you as friends, or hide your posts from my timeline but in all honesty, it's like a reality TV series I have become addicted to keeping up with... That being said, I will completely understand your desire to remove me as soon as you finish this letter because I am about to give you a big ol' dose of "My Opinion."
Since this separation has been so well documented for your 800 collective friends I think it is fair you blatantly see what other people have the privilege of judging throughout their days. I haven't spoken to either of you more than a handful of times, ever. But look at all I know about your relationship!
The Beginning: A few months back, the posting of passive aggressive Internet ecards and posters began directed at each other. Mostly about believing whatever you want and not giving a damn about what any one else thinks. Lots of quotes I consider of the "more power to me" and "your opinion of me has no effect on my life" variety.
Then comes the overly descriptive status up dates about Mr. Canada needing help with his anger issues. Ultimately eluding to his abusive tendencies. As well as, the son (the poor, poor NINE year old son) choosing sides, not wanting to be around his father and that this will all be over soon. As the mom thanks her close friends for their support and mentions this all coming out when The Son has to testify, we now know this kid is in for the worst possible kind of divorce- custody issues and witness testimony.
I draw the conclusion that at some point Mr. Canada thought Mrs. Canada was screwing around but whether or not she actually was is not yet published. What we do know is that in recent weeks there is a guy hanging around with her. He may or may not have started a marriage ending torrid love affair but a new male presence has been detected.
In the midst of "under directions from my attorney posts" we have come to see that this man, is accompanying her to her home for "protection" or as I like to think of it, "the severe pissing off of her future ex-husband."
We know she lost her job and has no money and has wrecked her car... all of which are Mr. Canada's fault in some way or another. Maybe not the car wreck part but totally the money and job, he sabotaged for her.
He changed the alarm codes on the house, so she wouldn't know them. She put the house on the market, as quickly as possible. He's getting a "man cave" for him and his son. She is looking for a job and a new place to live. He didn't make his bed before the inspections of the house that is now under contract... blah, blah, blah...
The "I miss my son" posts from both parties, although probably from a genuine place are the most ridiculous to me. They left their kid for the summer with relatives in Canada, while they hash this out. Father of the year over there, cut the kid off from his Facebook a few months into this feud so no permanent damage might be done. First of all, the kid, going into forth grade mind you, HAS A FREAKING FACEBOOK. What is wrong with you people!!! I really am not wanting to judge your parenting but the whole reason to get divorced is to save the kid from a miserable childhood. You guys are ruining his life.
While he is undoubtedly enjoying the surplus of time with his extended family, he must know that his parents are going through a very messy, public divorce. So instead of being face to face to reassure him of the positive aspects in his change in his life. They leave him with a lot of unknowns and what would personally, send me into a childhood anxiety disorder.
You all are fucking this whole thing up BIG TIME. Pardon my language, I try not cuss on my blog but HOLY FUCK!... This is America. The divorce rate is pretty astronomical, the fact that is it happening to him and his family is not that big of a deal. Kids know about it, they are actually quite use to it. The gargantuan mistake You are making is in how you are treating each other and the public outlet you are using to air this filthy nasty dirty laundry.
I am no Facebook saint, I found out my Douche of a boyfriend was cheating on me back in April of 2011 and let that mo-fo have it in a embarrassing display of immaturity and with a little help from my friends, all over my Facebook wall. I even mentioned his need for Viagra... It was vindictive but classic.
Then again, he was out of my life forever. My daughter had no idea what was going on, she can't get any where near a Facebook page without fearing the wrath of her father. Really, no harm to the kid, just a ding on my image and within 24 hours of clarity (and a blog post) I took it down.
You will also notice I have never, not even once, made a derogatory comment about my ex-husband. We had our own mess of a divorce (I was only 22 and a fire ball of rage, emotions, hurt and hormones) but in all honesty our relationship is stronger now than ever, solely for our precious daughters sake. I love that man, I couldn't do this parenting thing without him. He's a bad ass. I am glad we aren't married, but I picked a great guy to procreate with... Yay! Me!
I have some advice for you both... Delete your Facebooks the damage is done, cut your losses, and get out. Your attorneys are going to take every last cent they can letting you fight this thing out in court creating more issues and ammunition to throw at each other.
No matter what happened to make the marriage end, you two have to learn how to co-parent. It is going to be real difficult to show a united front against the transgressions of a teenage boy when he has this bull-shit excuse for parenting to throw back in your face.
You are role models, that kid looks up to you and every horrible thing you say about the other parent is a reflection on him. The last thing you would ever want to do is hurt your child. So remembering, that he is HALF the other person, they are HALF his identity, might curb those public jabs, just a smidgen. Next, get that kid home. The unknown is by far the scariest part of a divorce for a child. Trust me, I was 8, I remember.
The absolute best piece of advise My Fabulous Ex-Husband and I ever received was from some one who said, "If you two were so hell bent on making each others lives miserable, you should have stayed married." TRUTH. It's done, you are both hurt, that is no ones business but your own and maybe a confidant you rely on to help you through such a tragic time.
Divorce is the death of a family unit, mourn it with grace and dignity. It is the least you can do out of respect for what you once had or maybe just out of respect for the great son you created.
By all accounts I wish you the best and hope you figure this whole thing out. I have always assumed you were great parents, you have a wonderful son from the brief encounters I have had with him. I hope I wasn't too terribly inappropriate with this letter. I have made so many, SO MANY mistakes in my short 29 years of life. I am merely hoping you can just learn from some of them as opposed to repeating them to your own detriment.
Again, I know this is your personal life and it is none of my business. I am not trying to bash you, so much as, maybe enlighten you to what people you don't even know, know about you.
All the Luck, Peace, and Love in the World,
Sunshine
The Beginning: A few months back, the posting of passive aggressive Internet ecards and posters began directed at each other. Mostly about believing whatever you want and not giving a damn about what any one else thinks. Lots of quotes I consider of the "more power to me" and "your opinion of me has no effect on my life" variety.
Then comes the overly descriptive status up dates about Mr. Canada needing help with his anger issues. Ultimately eluding to his abusive tendencies. As well as, the son (the poor, poor NINE year old son) choosing sides, not wanting to be around his father and that this will all be over soon. As the mom thanks her close friends for their support and mentions this all coming out when The Son has to testify, we now know this kid is in for the worst possible kind of divorce- custody issues and witness testimony.
I draw the conclusion that at some point Mr. Canada thought Mrs. Canada was screwing around but whether or not she actually was is not yet published. What we do know is that in recent weeks there is a guy hanging around with her. He may or may not have started a marriage ending torrid love affair but a new male presence has been detected.
In the midst of "under directions from my attorney posts" we have come to see that this man, is accompanying her to her home for "protection" or as I like to think of it, "the severe pissing off of her future ex-husband."
We know she lost her job and has no money and has wrecked her car... all of which are Mr. Canada's fault in some way or another. Maybe not the car wreck part but totally the money and job, he sabotaged for her.
He changed the alarm codes on the house, so she wouldn't know them. She put the house on the market, as quickly as possible. He's getting a "man cave" for him and his son. She is looking for a job and a new place to live. He didn't make his bed before the inspections of the house that is now under contract... blah, blah, blah...
The "I miss my son" posts from both parties, although probably from a genuine place are the most ridiculous to me. They left their kid for the summer with relatives in Canada, while they hash this out. Father of the year over there, cut the kid off from his Facebook a few months into this feud so no permanent damage might be done. First of all, the kid, going into forth grade mind you, HAS A FREAKING FACEBOOK. What is wrong with you people!!! I really am not wanting to judge your parenting but the whole reason to get divorced is to save the kid from a miserable childhood. You guys are ruining his life.
While he is undoubtedly enjoying the surplus of time with his extended family, he must know that his parents are going through a very messy, public divorce. So instead of being face to face to reassure him of the positive aspects in his change in his life. They leave him with a lot of unknowns and what would personally, send me into a childhood anxiety disorder.
You all are fucking this whole thing up BIG TIME. Pardon my language, I try not cuss on my blog but HOLY FUCK!... This is America. The divorce rate is pretty astronomical, the fact that is it happening to him and his family is not that big of a deal. Kids know about it, they are actually quite use to it. The gargantuan mistake You are making is in how you are treating each other and the public outlet you are using to air this filthy nasty dirty laundry.
I am no Facebook saint, I found out my Douche of a boyfriend was cheating on me back in April of 2011 and let that mo-fo have it in a embarrassing display of immaturity and with a little help from my friends, all over my Facebook wall. I even mentioned his need for Viagra... It was vindictive but classic.
Then again, he was out of my life forever. My daughter had no idea what was going on, she can't get any where near a Facebook page without fearing the wrath of her father. Really, no harm to the kid, just a ding on my image and within 24 hours of clarity (and a blog post) I took it down.
You will also notice I have never, not even once, made a derogatory comment about my ex-husband. We had our own mess of a divorce (I was only 22 and a fire ball of rage, emotions, hurt and hormones) but in all honesty our relationship is stronger now than ever, solely for our precious daughters sake. I love that man, I couldn't do this parenting thing without him. He's a bad ass. I am glad we aren't married, but I picked a great guy to procreate with... Yay! Me!
I have some advice for you both... Delete your Facebooks the damage is done, cut your losses, and get out. Your attorneys are going to take every last cent they can letting you fight this thing out in court creating more issues and ammunition to throw at each other.
No matter what happened to make the marriage end, you two have to learn how to co-parent. It is going to be real difficult to show a united front against the transgressions of a teenage boy when he has this bull-shit excuse for parenting to throw back in your face.
You are role models, that kid looks up to you and every horrible thing you say about the other parent is a reflection on him. The last thing you would ever want to do is hurt your child. So remembering, that he is HALF the other person, they are HALF his identity, might curb those public jabs, just a smidgen. Next, get that kid home. The unknown is by far the scariest part of a divorce for a child. Trust me, I was 8, I remember.
The absolute best piece of advise My Fabulous Ex-Husband and I ever received was from some one who said, "If you two were so hell bent on making each others lives miserable, you should have stayed married." TRUTH. It's done, you are both hurt, that is no ones business but your own and maybe a confidant you rely on to help you through such a tragic time.
Divorce is the death of a family unit, mourn it with grace and dignity. It is the least you can do out of respect for what you once had or maybe just out of respect for the great son you created.
By all accounts I wish you the best and hope you figure this whole thing out. I have always assumed you were great parents, you have a wonderful son from the brief encounters I have had with him. I hope I wasn't too terribly inappropriate with this letter. I have made so many, SO MANY mistakes in my short 29 years of life. I am merely hoping you can just learn from some of them as opposed to repeating them to your own detriment.
Again, I know this is your personal life and it is none of my business. I am not trying to bash you, so much as, maybe enlighten you to what people you don't even know, know about you.
All the Luck, Peace, and Love in the World,
Sunshine
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