Whenever any of my girl friends are going through the end of a relationship I constantly preach, cut ties. Just cut it off, no more communication. I am absolutely certain a clean break will do one of two things. 1) He will miss you, or me in this case so terribly that he is forced to realize what a vital role I play in his life and he will come back OR 2) I will just get over it. Both of these are viable options.
Just like every girl I know this is the hardest thing to do. It is so hard to cut yourself off from someone you have been in pretty constant communication with for an extended period of time. JFK and I use to go a day or the weekend without talking but I just kind of saved up everything I wanted to say to him for our conversation when he got home from camping or hunting or drinking like he is 19 again. Just stopping all of the little things you share with a person is difficult. Hell, I can't even do it.
That's right, I woke up with all that resolve to just move forward, let him live with his decision. I woke up strong and ready to just take on the day. So I did, I set a meeting and had a lunch downtown. Low and behold, I am turning to head back towards my office and there he is, sitting at the stoplight next to me... I hate this town.
So what do I do, I call... Of course I call, he has to see me and know I am passing his office building. So, I call. He answers with a joyful tone and asks if I just whistled at him walking to his car. I tell him no I was next to him at the stoplight. He tells me where he is going, we chat about our days. The conversation is normal and light. It's comfortable, I miss it. He runs in to do his errand and says he will call me right back. He does, we continue our pointless exchange about work and monthly goals. The stuff we bonded over initially. Until he gets to his destination and says he has to go but he will call me later. This is where I stop him. I say matter of factly, "I don't know how to do this, if we just keep talking like normal you will never be forced to realize what an idiot you are and what a vital part of your life I have become." To this he actually laughs and says, " 'M', You are awesome. You are f'ing awesome, I really do have to go and I don't know how to do this either but we will figure it out."
When we get off the phone I get this off color picture of a political t-shirt. I literally start laughing out loud and no THE only person I know who would remotely appreciate this crude sense of humor is JFK. I send it to him. He responds with a text of appreciation.
This has to be it. Lighthearted conversation and joking around is the part of the relationship he wants to keep. That is the part of me he was so drawn to in the beginning. That is how this whole thing got started. But I can't keep doing this, I can't act like his friend when I just miss him and want to kiss him. I love all the same stuff he loves about our relationship, I just want more.
So, I have to resist and that is hard. Because even writing this I can come up with a handful of excuses to talk to him. I have to stop. I am trying so hard to stay busy enough to stop wanting to text him, to flirt with him and see how his day is.
Yesterday's goal was to stop crying. I succeeded. Today: I must resist the urge to maintain some form of communication. Today we stop talking! Wish me luck...
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