I really do know how to play the game. I really could do this whole back and forth girl manipulation thing that is encoded in my DNA. I don't want to... I want to tell you exactly how I feel and that be OK. I want the same results from my honesty as I would get if I just blew you off and "regained control." I don't want to mess around... I want this relationship to work as it is... Why is that so hard?
JFK and I, well I guess we ended it. After, probably the most honest emotional conversation he has ever had, we called it quits. He called it quits. This is going to sound like a cop-out, like a scene from that stupid movie, "He's Just Not That into You!" The part where the girls give each other all the uplifting excuses for why they got dumped.
Here goes: HE DIDN'T WANT TO HURT ME. I am dead fucking serious. He doesn't want to disappoint me and he can't stand the thought of hurting me in the long run, so maybe just cutting it off now we can salvage a friendship.
O I am pissed... You know I hadn't pressed this subject, I hadn't forced to much of an emotional connection because this is what I was afraid of, I was afraid his fear of hurting me would lead to him, actually hurting me and sooner, rather than later. I get it... You don't like being the bad guy. No one does but what we have is really fucking awesome. It's good and surprisingly healthy based on an actual friendship and mutual respect. Neither one of us, have had relationships like this and as far as I can tell, this one is working and working well.
But NO. You want to bow out gracefully because you care for me and you don't want to fucking hurt me. This little bit of discomfort I feel now is far better than 4, 5, 6, 10 months from now, when you do something to screw it up. FUCK YOU!
Like I said, I know how to play the game. When the gantlet came down and the decision was made, we should "just be friends" I should have turned around and walked away. I shouldn't have continued to try and figure out why, or if this was a reversible verdict. I should have just said OK and walked away. I should have left you to stew in those, feelings- Your Feelings, but I didn't.
By the time I did walk away, we were both just emotionally exhausted, neither getting an outcome they were actually happy with. I had that about to cry knot in my throat and emotions pooling around my eyes, so I just walked away. But there is something about you, that makes it impossible for me to cry. I couldn't muster a damn tear once I was on my own. I paced the kitchen and all I could think is, I know he cares for me, I know he likes what we have, why is he doing this?
I made mistake number 2, I called... This conversation continued where it left off, talking in circles. Both parties hurt and for the same reason, we are simultaneously living what we were both afraid of and we are doing it by choice. Instead of living we have let the "what if" dictate the end of the perfectly wonderful connection we have.
I realize I am tired and crawl into bed but I know that you are thinking about how you hurt me and all the things you have to get done. I know you're stress level is through the roof and it hurts me even more to think that I am a part of the cause as opposed to the solution. So I text you and it's a pretty playful text. I'm being lighthearted and funny. You are reciprocating... I fall asleep. I never cry and I just sleep.
I woke up this morning thinking about coffee and how I wanted to see you and if I had my way, you would just apologize and say you're a dickhead, which we both know to be true. But I don't have my way, I don't know what all this means... I do know this:
I know you want to maintain our friendship, you think we can still have and do all the same things, minus the sex, which you admittedly want too but will abstain from to avoid further confusion. You want us still have dinner and drinks and talk and be friends, like nothing ever happened. I can't do that at least not right now.
I don't want this unnecessary ending to virtually the healthiest relationship I have been in, maybe ever. I can go through the motions. I can act like we are bff and pretend to be OK without the sex and the commitment to not see other people-naked or with the intent of seeing them naked. But all that I feel for you and all that I want will still be there. It's not just going to go away. I am not a guy, there is not a magic switch that goes from caring about someone in a romantic way to strictly platonic.
So if this is what you, so be it. I am not going to try and sell you on the positives of being in this relationship, I can't. I tried. But I can't be your friend either. So that space I would need to get over you screwing up at some distant point in the future. I will have to have now. I will need to move on from you before I can be your friend, or nothing will have changed at least not on my end and then you really are at risk of actually hurting me.
We can do this now, or do it later, or maybe, just maybe not do it at all. You might look at this little thing we have going and realize I am not your last two girl friends, or that waitress you were screwing. You just might remember that all this started months ago and has been pretty great. You get to be selfish and have lots of time to yourself to lay on your couch or go see your parents or be an idiot with the guys. And I get to focus on work, being more sound financially, reaching the goals I have set for myself as an independent and still have this amazing guy in my life. I still get to go on dates and have some one to cheer me on as I become more accomplished. We get the comfort of this friendship, of having someone who honestly cares about the other person's needs and feelings. You get me, the biggest cheerleader you will ever know, that wants you to be as successful as you want to be and I get you to motivate me when I just don't want to do the daily grind. I think what we have is absolutely perfect and if it means being OK with you going into "phone off mode" for a weekend to study or go on a golf trip, so be it.
I am willing to make some compromises, not the big stuff that would make me feel like I am settling but little shit, that makes you more comfortable, I will do that. Just like you do on occasion for me. That's what it's all about.
But if it's done and it is really just done... I gotta move on. I gotta find the resolve to let the feelings I do have for you go and put you in the friend zone. I can't just go from dating to not dating and have the only difference be you don't feel like you are going to disappoint me and I'm not getting laid. That's not fair... I can pretend to do it but in the long run, I really will hate you.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Casually Dating
CASUALLY DATING it's suppose to be fun and easy, low maintenance, relaxed without a lot of obligations and expectations. It is the simple time when you are first getting to know a person. You casually date. No pressure. No agenda. Just you and the person you are mildly attracted to enough to want to see on occasion.
I have been casually dating JFK for months now. Yes real, live, whole, plural MONTHS. This isn't one of those Zero to Common Law Relationships with a 3 to 6 week life span, ending in deception and anger. This is a slow moving, mildly paced, getting to know you relationship.
I do not know how to casually date but I am trying. I am trying so hard and maybe that is a part of the problem, I am having to try to be this easy going girl that I, innately am not. I think all this trying to be laid back is actually having the opposite effect on me. In fact, I know it is not working for me because I went plum-crazy on JFK today.
Short story long... JFK lives in this massive apartment complex you can see off the highway. I pass it, frequently driving 55 mph and every time I pass I glance over... I don't know why I do this. I just do. It's kind of like how I can't pass 15th and New Haven without checking out the childhood house I grew up in, or how I can see if my Dad's second wife is at home flying down cherry street. I look, I always know if Mr. Taco's car is at his restaurant when I cross the bridge. I have been to JFK's apartment enough times to have the general idea of where his apartment would be from the highway view. That is just how my cognitive schema works.
Today, I pass his apartment, glance to my right and I see his truck. My mind goes into over drive:
'He was out of town when I talked to him this morning, he said nothing about coming back to Tulsa... Wait, No. Nothing.'
'He has one appointment and two phone calls this afternoon but nothing about being home.'
'Oh My God, he lied to me.'
'Why would he lie to me, does he seriously not want to see me so desperately that he thought he should lie and say he was at his parents when he is really right here in town?'
Needless to say this neurotic flood of emotions triggers an even more outlandish response: an anxiety attack. My chest is tight. I'm on the verge of tears. I can't focus on anything other than if that is really his truck. I just need to either be mad and be done with his ass, or figure out what is going on. So, I call him. No answer. Wait a few minutes, head on to my 2:00 appointment. Calm my nerves and think I can get through this, that has to be the most popular color for the most popular truck in America. It's fine.
At my 2:00 appointment I function just fine. I am probably a little more to the point with a lot less, cheesy getting to know you bullshit but I handle myself. I am after all a functioning member of society. I have about 30 mins to kill before my next need for professionalism and this need for clarity is making me a wreck. I need to know.
I text the "call me, now if possible" ominous text message.
He responds immediately, "I can call you in about 30."
"If I do not answer I will call you after my 3:00. But we do need to talk the sooner the better."
Three dings at once, "What's Up?" "Ok" "Everything Ok?"
"No. I don't know." an honest response from me but elusive for sure.
"What? Hold on I will just call these people back."
Reading this is the first moment my terrified rage turns to shame and I think about what I am doing. I still have to know, it is over powering me, but I now start thinking of what will happen if this bit of crazy is too much for him. He really is amazing. These thoughts begin battling with my accusations of deception and before I can come up with a reply, he calls.
I answer with, I am so sorry, I didn't mean for you to get off the phone with work. He explains who it was and that it was no big deal. I then say something along the lines of, "Answer me honestly, are you in Tulsa?" He says, "Yes. I am at my apartment." So matter-of-fact-ly I am just pissed. "You didn't tell me you were coming home and I was driving to my appointment and looked over and saw your truck from the highway." I explained the entire thought process, he told me he was home, sitting on his couch, working, in his underwear and to chill out. He is heading back out of town but he had meetings today, he told me that, just not that they were in Tulsa.
I calm down and try to explain myself although I am somewhere between embarrassed and scared of the consequences of my outburst. But F*ck. This is me. I even know where this crazy tendency stems from. I know why this gave me such a heightened emotional response. I know whose fault this is!... Mr. Toilet! AND I HATE HIM FOR IT!!
I hate that I put the transgressions of men from my past onto JFK. I hate that there is this new quirky insecurity that is there because of what a specific person once did to break me. I hate that I cannot control it enough to get past it and the best I have been able to do, to date is recognize when I am acting this way and hope the person I am with can handle it.
I keep calling myself crazy, but in reality I am not crazy. I am experienced. Some of those experiences are good and some are bad but all have shaped me. I am a confident, independent fun loving women, with a lot going for me. Some times I need an hour conversation with one of my best guy friends to remind me, that not only do I have game (I landed JFK) but I am totally amazing and he knows it, because he is dating me.
Freaking out over JFK being in town and not telling me is just one of my many quirks I am sure but hopefully this was just a learning experience. There is a lot we don't know about each other. A lot I hope to learn as this moves forward. I am hoping this lapse in communication gave him a little insight. He seems to know how to deal with me, so far.
I have been casually dating JFK for months now. Yes real, live, whole, plural MONTHS. This isn't one of those Zero to Common Law Relationships with a 3 to 6 week life span, ending in deception and anger. This is a slow moving, mildly paced, getting to know you relationship.
I do not know how to casually date but I am trying. I am trying so hard and maybe that is a part of the problem, I am having to try to be this easy going girl that I, innately am not. I think all this trying to be laid back is actually having the opposite effect on me. In fact, I know it is not working for me because I went plum-crazy on JFK today.
Short story long... JFK lives in this massive apartment complex you can see off the highway. I pass it, frequently driving 55 mph and every time I pass I glance over... I don't know why I do this. I just do. It's kind of like how I can't pass 15th and New Haven without checking out the childhood house I grew up in, or how I can see if my Dad's second wife is at home flying down cherry street. I look, I always know if Mr. Taco's car is at his restaurant when I cross the bridge. I have been to JFK's apartment enough times to have the general idea of where his apartment would be from the highway view. That is just how my cognitive schema works.
Today, I pass his apartment, glance to my right and I see his truck. My mind goes into over drive:
'He was out of town when I talked to him this morning, he said nothing about coming back to Tulsa... Wait, No. Nothing.'
'He has one appointment and two phone calls this afternoon but nothing about being home.'
'Oh My God, he lied to me.'
'Why would he lie to me, does he seriously not want to see me so desperately that he thought he should lie and say he was at his parents when he is really right here in town?'
Needless to say this neurotic flood of emotions triggers an even more outlandish response: an anxiety attack. My chest is tight. I'm on the verge of tears. I can't focus on anything other than if that is really his truck. I just need to either be mad and be done with his ass, or figure out what is going on. So, I call him. No answer. Wait a few minutes, head on to my 2:00 appointment. Calm my nerves and think I can get through this, that has to be the most popular color for the most popular truck in America. It's fine.
At my 2:00 appointment I function just fine. I am probably a little more to the point with a lot less, cheesy getting to know you bullshit but I handle myself. I am after all a functioning member of society. I have about 30 mins to kill before my next need for professionalism and this need for clarity is making me a wreck. I need to know.
I text the "call me, now if possible" ominous text message.
He responds immediately, "I can call you in about 30."
"If I do not answer I will call you after my 3:00. But we do need to talk the sooner the better."
Three dings at once, "What's Up?" "Ok" "Everything Ok?"
"No. I don't know." an honest response from me but elusive for sure.
"What? Hold on I will just call these people back."
Reading this is the first moment my terrified rage turns to shame and I think about what I am doing. I still have to know, it is over powering me, but I now start thinking of what will happen if this bit of crazy is too much for him. He really is amazing. These thoughts begin battling with my accusations of deception and before I can come up with a reply, he calls.
I answer with, I am so sorry, I didn't mean for you to get off the phone with work. He explains who it was and that it was no big deal. I then say something along the lines of, "Answer me honestly, are you in Tulsa?" He says, "Yes. I am at my apartment." So matter-of-fact-ly I am just pissed. "You didn't tell me you were coming home and I was driving to my appointment and looked over and saw your truck from the highway." I explained the entire thought process, he told me he was home, sitting on his couch, working, in his underwear and to chill out. He is heading back out of town but he had meetings today, he told me that, just not that they were in Tulsa.
I calm down and try to explain myself although I am somewhere between embarrassed and scared of the consequences of my outburst. But F*ck. This is me. I even know where this crazy tendency stems from. I know why this gave me such a heightened emotional response. I know whose fault this is!... Mr. Toilet! AND I HATE HIM FOR IT!!
I hate that I put the transgressions of men from my past onto JFK. I hate that there is this new quirky insecurity that is there because of what a specific person once did to break me. I hate that I cannot control it enough to get past it and the best I have been able to do, to date is recognize when I am acting this way and hope the person I am with can handle it.
I keep calling myself crazy, but in reality I am not crazy. I am experienced. Some of those experiences are good and some are bad but all have shaped me. I am a confident, independent fun loving women, with a lot going for me. Some times I need an hour conversation with one of my best guy friends to remind me, that not only do I have game (I landed JFK) but I am totally amazing and he knows it, because he is dating me.
Freaking out over JFK being in town and not telling me is just one of my many quirks I am sure but hopefully this was just a learning experience. There is a lot we don't know about each other. A lot I hope to learn as this moves forward. I am hoping this lapse in communication gave him a little insight. He seems to know how to deal with me, so far.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
The Do's and Dont's of Divorce
I am "friends" with this couple on Facebook. By friends I mean they have a son the same age as my daughter. We cheered for the football team he played for last season. We are more accurately passing acquaintances through the school our children go to, than actual friends.
This couple is going through a divorce, which by all accounts is tragic but I have never and I mean NEVER seen such immature behavior from two grown adults. I feel so strongly about this public display of break up maddness that I am writing The Do's and Dont's of Divorce, maybe more appropriately, Just the Dont's.
This little blog post is an open letter to the Canadian Couple about how screwed up their situation has become:
This little blog post is an open letter to the Canadian Couple about how screwed up their situation has become:
Dear Mr. and Mrs Canada (they are both originally from Canada hence the nickname),
In recent months my Facebook news feed has become bombarded with the drama that has consumed your relationship. First, I would like to say, I realize I have the power to delete you as friends, or hide your posts from my timeline but in all honesty, it's like a reality TV series I have become addicted to keeping up with... That being said, I will completely understand your desire to remove me as soon as you finish this letter because I am about to give you a big ol' dose of "My Opinion."
Since this separation has been so well documented for your 800 collective friends I think it is fair you blatantly see what other people have the privilege of judging throughout their days. I haven't spoken to either of you more than a handful of times, ever. But look at all I know about your relationship!
The Beginning: A few months back, the posting of passive aggressive Internet ecards and posters began directed at each other. Mostly about believing whatever you want and not giving a damn about what any one else thinks. Lots of quotes I consider of the "more power to me" and "your opinion of me has no effect on my life" variety.
Then comes the overly descriptive status up dates about Mr. Canada needing help with his anger issues. Ultimately eluding to his abusive tendencies. As well as, the son (the poor, poor NINE year old son) choosing sides, not wanting to be around his father and that this will all be over soon. As the mom thanks her close friends for their support and mentions this all coming out when The Son has to testify, we now know this kid is in for the worst possible kind of divorce- custody issues and witness testimony.
I draw the conclusion that at some point Mr. Canada thought Mrs. Canada was screwing around but whether or not she actually was is not yet published. What we do know is that in recent weeks there is a guy hanging around with her. He may or may not have started a marriage ending torrid love affair but a new male presence has been detected.
In the midst of "under directions from my attorney posts" we have come to see that this man, is accompanying her to her home for "protection" or as I like to think of it, "the severe pissing off of her future ex-husband."
We know she lost her job and has no money and has wrecked her car... all of which are Mr. Canada's fault in some way or another. Maybe not the car wreck part but totally the money and job, he sabotaged for her.
He changed the alarm codes on the house, so she wouldn't know them. She put the house on the market, as quickly as possible. He's getting a "man cave" for him and his son. She is looking for a job and a new place to live. He didn't make his bed before the inspections of the house that is now under contract... blah, blah, blah...
The "I miss my son" posts from both parties, although probably from a genuine place are the most ridiculous to me. They left their kid for the summer with relatives in Canada, while they hash this out. Father of the year over there, cut the kid off from his Facebook a few months into this feud so no permanent damage might be done. First of all, the kid, going into forth grade mind you, HAS A FREAKING FACEBOOK. What is wrong with you people!!! I really am not wanting to judge your parenting but the whole reason to get divorced is to save the kid from a miserable childhood. You guys are ruining his life.
While he is undoubtedly enjoying the surplus of time with his extended family, he must know that his parents are going through a very messy, public divorce. So instead of being face to face to reassure him of the positive aspects in his change in his life. They leave him with a lot of unknowns and what would personally, send me into a childhood anxiety disorder.
You all are fucking this whole thing up BIG TIME. Pardon my language, I try not cuss on my blog but HOLY FUCK!... This is America. The divorce rate is pretty astronomical, the fact that is it happening to him and his family is not that big of a deal. Kids know about it, they are actually quite use to it. The gargantuan mistake You are making is in how you are treating each other and the public outlet you are using to air this filthy nasty dirty laundry.
I am no Facebook saint, I found out my Douche of a boyfriend was cheating on me back in April of 2011 and let that mo-fo have it in a embarrassing display of immaturity and with a little help from my friends, all over my Facebook wall. I even mentioned his need for Viagra... It was vindictive but classic.
Then again, he was out of my life forever. My daughter had no idea what was going on, she can't get any where near a Facebook page without fearing the wrath of her father. Really, no harm to the kid, just a ding on my image and within 24 hours of clarity (and a blog post) I took it down.
You will also notice I have never, not even once, made a derogatory comment about my ex-husband. We had our own mess of a divorce (I was only 22 and a fire ball of rage, emotions, hurt and hormones) but in all honesty our relationship is stronger now than ever, solely for our precious daughters sake. I love that man, I couldn't do this parenting thing without him. He's a bad ass. I am glad we aren't married, but I picked a great guy to procreate with... Yay! Me!
I have some advice for you both... Delete your Facebooks the damage is done, cut your losses, and get out. Your attorneys are going to take every last cent they can letting you fight this thing out in court creating more issues and ammunition to throw at each other.
No matter what happened to make the marriage end, you two have to learn how to co-parent. It is going to be real difficult to show a united front against the transgressions of a teenage boy when he has this bull-shit excuse for parenting to throw back in your face.
You are role models, that kid looks up to you and every horrible thing you say about the other parent is a reflection on him. The last thing you would ever want to do is hurt your child. So remembering, that he is HALF the other person, they are HALF his identity, might curb those public jabs, just a smidgen. Next, get that kid home. The unknown is by far the scariest part of a divorce for a child. Trust me, I was 8, I remember.
The absolute best piece of advise My Fabulous Ex-Husband and I ever received was from some one who said, "If you two were so hell bent on making each others lives miserable, you should have stayed married." TRUTH. It's done, you are both hurt, that is no ones business but your own and maybe a confidant you rely on to help you through such a tragic time.
Divorce is the death of a family unit, mourn it with grace and dignity. It is the least you can do out of respect for what you once had or maybe just out of respect for the great son you created.
By all accounts I wish you the best and hope you figure this whole thing out. I have always assumed you were great parents, you have a wonderful son from the brief encounters I have had with him. I hope I wasn't too terribly inappropriate with this letter. I have made so many, SO MANY mistakes in my short 29 years of life. I am merely hoping you can just learn from some of them as opposed to repeating them to your own detriment.
Again, I know this is your personal life and it is none of my business. I am not trying to bash you, so much as, maybe enlighten you to what people you don't even know, know about you.
All the Luck, Peace, and Love in the World,
Sunshine
The Beginning: A few months back, the posting of passive aggressive Internet ecards and posters began directed at each other. Mostly about believing whatever you want and not giving a damn about what any one else thinks. Lots of quotes I consider of the "more power to me" and "your opinion of me has no effect on my life" variety.
Then comes the overly descriptive status up dates about Mr. Canada needing help with his anger issues. Ultimately eluding to his abusive tendencies. As well as, the son (the poor, poor NINE year old son) choosing sides, not wanting to be around his father and that this will all be over soon. As the mom thanks her close friends for their support and mentions this all coming out when The Son has to testify, we now know this kid is in for the worst possible kind of divorce- custody issues and witness testimony.
I draw the conclusion that at some point Mr. Canada thought Mrs. Canada was screwing around but whether or not she actually was is not yet published. What we do know is that in recent weeks there is a guy hanging around with her. He may or may not have started a marriage ending torrid love affair but a new male presence has been detected.
In the midst of "under directions from my attorney posts" we have come to see that this man, is accompanying her to her home for "protection" or as I like to think of it, "the severe pissing off of her future ex-husband."
We know she lost her job and has no money and has wrecked her car... all of which are Mr. Canada's fault in some way or another. Maybe not the car wreck part but totally the money and job, he sabotaged for her.
He changed the alarm codes on the house, so she wouldn't know them. She put the house on the market, as quickly as possible. He's getting a "man cave" for him and his son. She is looking for a job and a new place to live. He didn't make his bed before the inspections of the house that is now under contract... blah, blah, blah...
The "I miss my son" posts from both parties, although probably from a genuine place are the most ridiculous to me. They left their kid for the summer with relatives in Canada, while they hash this out. Father of the year over there, cut the kid off from his Facebook a few months into this feud so no permanent damage might be done. First of all, the kid, going into forth grade mind you, HAS A FREAKING FACEBOOK. What is wrong with you people!!! I really am not wanting to judge your parenting but the whole reason to get divorced is to save the kid from a miserable childhood. You guys are ruining his life.
While he is undoubtedly enjoying the surplus of time with his extended family, he must know that his parents are going through a very messy, public divorce. So instead of being face to face to reassure him of the positive aspects in his change in his life. They leave him with a lot of unknowns and what would personally, send me into a childhood anxiety disorder.
You all are fucking this whole thing up BIG TIME. Pardon my language, I try not cuss on my blog but HOLY FUCK!... This is America. The divorce rate is pretty astronomical, the fact that is it happening to him and his family is not that big of a deal. Kids know about it, they are actually quite use to it. The gargantuan mistake You are making is in how you are treating each other and the public outlet you are using to air this filthy nasty dirty laundry.
I am no Facebook saint, I found out my Douche of a boyfriend was cheating on me back in April of 2011 and let that mo-fo have it in a embarrassing display of immaturity and with a little help from my friends, all over my Facebook wall. I even mentioned his need for Viagra... It was vindictive but classic.
Then again, he was out of my life forever. My daughter had no idea what was going on, she can't get any where near a Facebook page without fearing the wrath of her father. Really, no harm to the kid, just a ding on my image and within 24 hours of clarity (and a blog post) I took it down.
You will also notice I have never, not even once, made a derogatory comment about my ex-husband. We had our own mess of a divorce (I was only 22 and a fire ball of rage, emotions, hurt and hormones) but in all honesty our relationship is stronger now than ever, solely for our precious daughters sake. I love that man, I couldn't do this parenting thing without him. He's a bad ass. I am glad we aren't married, but I picked a great guy to procreate with... Yay! Me!
I have some advice for you both... Delete your Facebooks the damage is done, cut your losses, and get out. Your attorneys are going to take every last cent they can letting you fight this thing out in court creating more issues and ammunition to throw at each other.
No matter what happened to make the marriage end, you two have to learn how to co-parent. It is going to be real difficult to show a united front against the transgressions of a teenage boy when he has this bull-shit excuse for parenting to throw back in your face.
You are role models, that kid looks up to you and every horrible thing you say about the other parent is a reflection on him. The last thing you would ever want to do is hurt your child. So remembering, that he is HALF the other person, they are HALF his identity, might curb those public jabs, just a smidgen. Next, get that kid home. The unknown is by far the scariest part of a divorce for a child. Trust me, I was 8, I remember.
The absolute best piece of advise My Fabulous Ex-Husband and I ever received was from some one who said, "If you two were so hell bent on making each others lives miserable, you should have stayed married." TRUTH. It's done, you are both hurt, that is no ones business but your own and maybe a confidant you rely on to help you through such a tragic time.
Divorce is the death of a family unit, mourn it with grace and dignity. It is the least you can do out of respect for what you once had or maybe just out of respect for the great son you created.
By all accounts I wish you the best and hope you figure this whole thing out. I have always assumed you were great parents, you have a wonderful son from the brief encounters I have had with him. I hope I wasn't too terribly inappropriate with this letter. I have made so many, SO MANY mistakes in my short 29 years of life. I am merely hoping you can just learn from some of them as opposed to repeating them to your own detriment.
Again, I know this is your personal life and it is none of my business. I am not trying to bash you, so much as, maybe enlighten you to what people you don't even know, know about you.
All the Luck, Peace, and Love in the World,
Sunshine
Saturday, June 16, 2012
An Open Letter to My JFK
JFK and I met back in February, we had a coffee meeting, some failed Saturday night plans, and a few Happy Hours. Communication was sporadic until the very end of April when we set a business lunch, which led to another Saturday night plan, which has now led to us being something more than just friends... I don't really know what this something is but it's been going on for 6 weeks, to the day actually and I am needing to find out... What better way than... An Open Letter to JFK
My darling JFK,
We need to talk (insert cringe here- every guy hates these words)... I have been thinking about a few things. I need to address them and once I get it all on the table I am going to feel so much better. For the last couple weeks but mostly the last several days I have been a little frustrated with our situation.
First, I should say that this isn't some speech about me wanting more of a relationship. I am slightly frustrated with our lack of time together but honestly this one night a week thing and one lunch a week thing works for me. I like talking to you almost daily but to be clear this isn't intended to be some whiny needy push for a more serious relationship. I just want to explain my frustration, what I am hoping to accomplish and then find out where you are... and where ever that is will be fine.
I get that we both have these insanely busy schedules. I am confident they are not going to get much better but currently, I feel like this weird obligation. Something you have to squeeze in to appease me. I hate that, if you don't want to see me or spend time with me then don't. I'll get over it, I promise. I just don't like feeling like an appointment that fits into a neat little time slot.
The whole reason I have yet to really force a conversation about "us" is because more than anything I don't want to lose what we have. I respect you so much and I think you are absolutely amazing. Your work ethic is remarkable. The way you motivate me to push further and work harder in my career is unprecedented. Your understanding of outside sales and your ability to celebrate or commiserate with what's going on in my day is what draws me to you. This is the most attractive thing about you. The thought of losing you in that capacity is devastating and I really want to insure that it never happens.
But... We lack definition and I need definition because with out clear lines and boundaries we are both moving forward in a this relationship (friendship, FWB, business contacts, or whatever it is) without knowing the others' expectations. If we do not establish anything and just take on the whole go with the flow attitude which may seem easiest in your head, we are risking hurting the other persons' feelings unintentionally. Aside from the fact my mind wonders where ever it may so please and obviously, that is never a good idea. We need to figure out what this is, please.
If I take the current aspects of our scenario and just line them out it looks like this:
- We talk almost everyday
- We go out once a week for drinks or dinner and you always pay (by the way thank you)
- We sleep together, once a week but more times than not it is at a time other than when we go out for dinner or drinks. I state this because I want to be clear that every time we are together is not motivated solely by a sexual encounter.
- You send me motivational text messages every Thursday morning for my call session which I loathe but your little gems of encouragement, really do push me through that 4 hours.
- You are the anti-PDA and our public greetings are awkward side hugs.
- If I am being honest, I initiate more than 50% of the communication between us.
- We go over our schedules at the beginning of the week to find the possible holes that line up to see each other and then event invitations on our calendars are exchanged.
To me, this seems like we are dating. Not seriously dating, but dating. I'd like to think the slow progression is intentional and that we are forming a pretty tight little bond.
Since our free time is such a precious commodity, I want to know if you are doing this 'not serious dating' thing with anyone else. I also really want to know if you are sleeping with anyone else. I am not and I really don't want to sleep with someone who is sleeping with other people... That seems slutty and grosses me out.
I need a few little adjustments and a few questions answered to stave off this impending insecurity that is coming on full force. I am not insecure, well maybe I am but I try not to be. I am very independent and my life is very fulfilling without the need to be in a serious relationship.
With all that said, sorry for getting all bitchy tonight when plans didn't go my way.
xoxo
me
My darling JFK,
We need to talk (insert cringe here- every guy hates these words)... I have been thinking about a few things. I need to address them and once I get it all on the table I am going to feel so much better. For the last couple weeks but mostly the last several days I have been a little frustrated with our situation.
First, I should say that this isn't some speech about me wanting more of a relationship. I am slightly frustrated with our lack of time together but honestly this one night a week thing and one lunch a week thing works for me. I like talking to you almost daily but to be clear this isn't intended to be some whiny needy push for a more serious relationship. I just want to explain my frustration, what I am hoping to accomplish and then find out where you are... and where ever that is will be fine.
I get that we both have these insanely busy schedules. I am confident they are not going to get much better but currently, I feel like this weird obligation. Something you have to squeeze in to appease me. I hate that, if you don't want to see me or spend time with me then don't. I'll get over it, I promise. I just don't like feeling like an appointment that fits into a neat little time slot.
The whole reason I have yet to really force a conversation about "us" is because more than anything I don't want to lose what we have. I respect you so much and I think you are absolutely amazing. Your work ethic is remarkable. The way you motivate me to push further and work harder in my career is unprecedented. Your understanding of outside sales and your ability to celebrate or commiserate with what's going on in my day is what draws me to you. This is the most attractive thing about you. The thought of losing you in that capacity is devastating and I really want to insure that it never happens.
But... We lack definition and I need definition because with out clear lines and boundaries we are both moving forward in a this relationship (friendship, FWB, business contacts, or whatever it is) without knowing the others' expectations. If we do not establish anything and just take on the whole go with the flow attitude which may seem easiest in your head, we are risking hurting the other persons' feelings unintentionally. Aside from the fact my mind wonders where ever it may so please and obviously, that is never a good idea. We need to figure out what this is, please.
If I take the current aspects of our scenario and just line them out it looks like this:
- We talk almost everyday
- We go out once a week for drinks or dinner and you always pay (by the way thank you)
- We sleep together, once a week but more times than not it is at a time other than when we go out for dinner or drinks. I state this because I want to be clear that every time we are together is not motivated solely by a sexual encounter.
- You send me motivational text messages every Thursday morning for my call session which I loathe but your little gems of encouragement, really do push me through that 4 hours.
- You are the anti-PDA and our public greetings are awkward side hugs.
- If I am being honest, I initiate more than 50% of the communication between us.
- We go over our schedules at the beginning of the week to find the possible holes that line up to see each other and then event invitations on our calendars are exchanged.
To me, this seems like we are dating. Not seriously dating, but dating. I'd like to think the slow progression is intentional and that we are forming a pretty tight little bond.
Since our free time is such a precious commodity, I want to know if you are doing this 'not serious dating' thing with anyone else. I also really want to know if you are sleeping with anyone else. I am not and I really don't want to sleep with someone who is sleeping with other people... That seems slutty and grosses me out.
I need a few little adjustments and a few questions answered to stave off this impending insecurity that is coming on full force. I am not insecure, well maybe I am but I try not to be. I am very independent and my life is very fulfilling without the need to be in a serious relationship.
With all that said, sorry for getting all bitchy tonight when plans didn't go my way.
xoxo
me
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Realistic Dreams and Wrong Assumptions
I had one of those super realistic dreams a few weeks ago, involving JFK. In my dream he had Googled and found this blog. I awoke from this dream almost in tears because I felt so betrayed. I couldn't believe that he would seek out my little 'dear diary' blog knowing full well I wouldn't want him to read my inner most thoughts. We just aren't at a place that I trust him with my crazy.
I woke up in this dazed panic trying to decipher reality. I quickly realized it was all a dream but in my experience, you don't just shrug off dreams that induce such an emotional response. I decide to tell him about it. He laughed at the ridiculousness of me being mad at him for something dream JFK did. He also assured me that he would never do this...
I've been a little hesitant to write all my crazy after that because in his affirmation of respect for my privacy he also assured me that he could find this whenever he wanted. The blog post from a month ago, was something I shared with him. He informed me that all he would have to do is put the post i sent him into Google and it would bring up my blog.
Well last week, I finally wrote. I've had all these moments of insecurities and a need for clarity in regards to JFK that I finally started writing again. Tonight, after finishing 50 Shades, I was feeling a bit inspired to write. I've been missing JFK and toying with the same questions I've had for weeks. So I got on this little sucker to write... But out of curiosity I decided to look at the traffic sources for my blog.
Low and behold, google and the second paragraph of my blog about JFK are a source for traffic on this blog. Immediately, I am crushed. How could he? I am so embarrassed, so vulnerable, so stupid. I want to call him and just scream! I realize how crazy it is to be so mad about him looking up a blog I post on the Internet for any ya-who to read but I am just so devastated by his betrayal. He lied to me!
I calm myself and decide I am going to confront him about this. I'll never be able to let this go. I want to know why he would do this and express how important this outlet is to me.
I decide not to call, I know he has had a busy day and this is probably the last thing he would want to deal with, it's going to be a bit petty and stupid to him. I still have to bring it up for my own peace of mind. In my head, this is the end. I am going to go a bit crazy on him over something that is important to me, that he could not possibly understand and that is going to be the end. He's 25 and is going to go running for the hills. I rationalize all of this and send him a text, cryptic enough to warrant an immediate response.
"You lied to me and I'm a bit upset so when you are not busy for a few minutes, give me a call." I debate for a millisecond but before I can talk myself out of it, I hit send. As I anticipated, response: "What are u talking about?"
Now there is no way I am going to have this as a conversation via text message. It is ridiculous enough that I am bringing it up anyway, but over text, that's just down right degrading. So I reply, "Just when you aren't busy, I don't want to interrupt your night. It's not hugely important." He promptly counters with "Hahaha... Alright I'll be finishing up with my stuff in a minute when Daniel leaves I'll call ya"
As I wait for this call processing my emotions, I know I need to calm down. I know I need to not come off as some raging lunatic. I start this entry as I game plan the conversation that is about to unfold, I decide disappointment is a better tactic than anger. I can feel the clarity coming back to me, I can feel the sanity returning... All of a sudden my hands hit my face realizing, I Googled my blog.
A little over a week ago, I decided to test his theory, so I Googled it. It was me, I am the one Google traffic source using that entry. I am mortified. Any moment he is going to call wondering what I am upset about and I am going to have to tell him this whole ridiculous story. I have lost my ever loving mind.
He calls, I start at the beginning, telling him I had sat down to write and clear my head, and before I can get to the would-be-accusation he says, "and you think I read your blog." I pause and say, yes but I now think that I Googled it myself. He assures me he has not read it and that I can write to my little hearts content. I apologize for my crazy, asking if at any point I scare him off when I overreact like this... he hesitates, mostly for drama (at least I hope) and says no, it's fine.
We continue to discuss our weekends and week. Searching for time to see each other. I miss him, even more. Our conversation is actually comforting to me, sort of relieving what I was initially getting on here to bitch about... I hang up thankful for his understanding, soothed by our brief conversation and able to cap off this entry with a smile. I'm a little nuts but I haven't quite scared him off yet.
I woke up in this dazed panic trying to decipher reality. I quickly realized it was all a dream but in my experience, you don't just shrug off dreams that induce such an emotional response. I decide to tell him about it. He laughed at the ridiculousness of me being mad at him for something dream JFK did. He also assured me that he would never do this...
I've been a little hesitant to write all my crazy after that because in his affirmation of respect for my privacy he also assured me that he could find this whenever he wanted. The blog post from a month ago, was something I shared with him. He informed me that all he would have to do is put the post i sent him into Google and it would bring up my blog.
Well last week, I finally wrote. I've had all these moments of insecurities and a need for clarity in regards to JFK that I finally started writing again. Tonight, after finishing 50 Shades, I was feeling a bit inspired to write. I've been missing JFK and toying with the same questions I've had for weeks. So I got on this little sucker to write... But out of curiosity I decided to look at the traffic sources for my blog.
Low and behold, google and the second paragraph of my blog about JFK are a source for traffic on this blog. Immediately, I am crushed. How could he? I am so embarrassed, so vulnerable, so stupid. I want to call him and just scream! I realize how crazy it is to be so mad about him looking up a blog I post on the Internet for any ya-who to read but I am just so devastated by his betrayal. He lied to me!
I calm myself and decide I am going to confront him about this. I'll never be able to let this go. I want to know why he would do this and express how important this outlet is to me.
I decide not to call, I know he has had a busy day and this is probably the last thing he would want to deal with, it's going to be a bit petty and stupid to him. I still have to bring it up for my own peace of mind. In my head, this is the end. I am going to go a bit crazy on him over something that is important to me, that he could not possibly understand and that is going to be the end. He's 25 and is going to go running for the hills. I rationalize all of this and send him a text, cryptic enough to warrant an immediate response.
"You lied to me and I'm a bit upset so when you are not busy for a few minutes, give me a call." I debate for a millisecond but before I can talk myself out of it, I hit send. As I anticipated, response: "What are u talking about?"
Now there is no way I am going to have this as a conversation via text message. It is ridiculous enough that I am bringing it up anyway, but over text, that's just down right degrading. So I reply, "Just when you aren't busy, I don't want to interrupt your night. It's not hugely important." He promptly counters with "Hahaha... Alright I'll be finishing up with my stuff in a minute when Daniel leaves I'll call ya"
As I wait for this call processing my emotions, I know I need to calm down. I know I need to not come off as some raging lunatic. I start this entry as I game plan the conversation that is about to unfold, I decide disappointment is a better tactic than anger. I can feel the clarity coming back to me, I can feel the sanity returning... All of a sudden my hands hit my face realizing, I Googled my blog.
A little over a week ago, I decided to test his theory, so I Googled it. It was me, I am the one Google traffic source using that entry. I am mortified. Any moment he is going to call wondering what I am upset about and I am going to have to tell him this whole ridiculous story. I have lost my ever loving mind.
He calls, I start at the beginning, telling him I had sat down to write and clear my head, and before I can get to the would-be-accusation he says, "and you think I read your blog." I pause and say, yes but I now think that I Googled it myself. He assures me he has not read it and that I can write to my little hearts content. I apologize for my crazy, asking if at any point I scare him off when I overreact like this... he hesitates, mostly for drama (at least I hope) and says no, it's fine.
We continue to discuss our weekends and week. Searching for time to see each other. I miss him, even more. Our conversation is actually comforting to me, sort of relieving what I was initially getting on here to bitch about... I hang up thankful for his understanding, soothed by our brief conversation and able to cap off this entry with a smile. I'm a little nuts but I haven't quite scared him off yet.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
The Twenty-Five Year Old "Something"
Do you ever feel
like you are consciously setting yourself up for disappointment? I know
this decision is probably going to hurt in the long run but right now it
feels good enough that I just don't care. I think I do this a lot with
boys and perhaps in relationships in general.
For instance, I caught you up on the initial meeting and flirtatious banter with my financial planner when I wrote a month ago. Well a lot has happened in the last 30+ days, but rather than write every moment that has made me swoon; let's get to the current issue at hand:
This boy is going to break my heart.
Things have progressed at a slow and easy pace. I still trying to decide if 'slow and easy' is just a positive way at looking at mildly interested. I hate when relationships feel lopsided or when you just don't know what's going on.
The lack of definition here, has been plaguing me for several days. The more I chat up my crush with my girl friends or get asked at Cheers about JFK, every one seems to have the same question... What's going on with you two?
To which, I have no idea.
So over my pre-date therapy session/beer with Sam Malone, we dive into the vagueness that is this new relationship. We have great chemistry; we get along really well. It's always fun and light-hearted. But I feel like I am in this anxious state of wondering what's going to happen next... I do not have "go with the flow" in me.
This is not a comfortable place for me. As Sam Malone pointed out tonight. "You aren't use to this casually dating thing" No sir, I am not. I like clearly defined "relationships." If you like me and want to get to know me, then you do so but I require undivided attention and a lot of it. I am pretty up front about this expectation but not in this case.
We are in some uncharted territory here. There's been no DTR (Defining The Relationship). There is no expectation of exclusivity. I am "something" (dating, seeing, talking to, sleeping with... something) a twenty-five year old. I've never something'd a twenty-five year old, not even when I was twenty-five. In fact when I was his age, I was a stay-at-home mom planning on marrying Mr. Toilet. I have no idea how to be in this... whatever this is.
It's exciting at best but for the most part nerve racking. I like this guy, I think he is one of the coolest people I have ever met. He's well spoken, educated, driven, well-rounded, and completely put together. Did I mention he looks damn good in a suit? This kid, and yes I call him kid, is the total package. He makes me nervous and giddy. I love spending time with him and I am excited to talk to him every chance I get. I'm kind of smitten but I can't shake the feeling that this kid's going to break my little heart... That's being a bit dramatic but at the very least he might possibly bruise my ego.
So tonight, Sam tells me I have to some how talk about this. I need some sort of definition because I don't want to get my feelings hurt and end up hating him. Sam knows me well. But I am a total wuss. I don't really want to bring this up because I like how things are, I like the way it is progressing but to me I think it is progressing, I don't know what it is to him. I don't want to ruin it, I don't want it to stop; I want it to move forward but I definitely don't want to be an idiot about things.
If this kid is like, "hey this girl is cool, she is a good connection as far as people and networking business wise and sleeping with her on occasion seems like a fun way to pass the time." I want to know that... I also want to know if there is some other girl that is cool, that sleeping with on occasion is fun. I don't want to conform to the constraints of a serious committed relationship. I just want to know what this is... I don't like calling it a "something."
Some of our past conversations have touched on long term plans and not being compatible in the future. Which is a little scary to me but as a twenty-five year old guy, the future still seems like this distant place. He's got all the time in the world to meet some one, fall in love get married and have kids... his 10 year plan does not align with mine. In ten years, I'm like 40. How do people do this? How do you not over analyze something that is so far so good? How do you control the neurotic desire to define a relationship?
I need something so I know what this something is!
The best I could muster tonight was this little wimpy conversation... There was a couple at the restaurant, sitting on the same side of the booth. I jokingly said I wish we sat on the same side of the booth. He knew I was kidding and laughed, that's not going to happen. This opens the door for me to bring up how completely anti-PDA he is... He agrees he's not, yet defends himself with the whole not cuddly affectionate person speech, which I get. I am not super lovey-dovey either, unless I'm drunk. His comfort level and mine really aren't that far off but I am going to need him to graduate from awkward side hug to actual kiss when he sees me. He laughs, concurs and says, "You know what this is? Progress"
He doesn't want some crazy, intense, fast-paced relationship nor do I for that matter. He expresses that he likes what this is and brings up my joke about 3 week relationships. He asks me, some what seriously, when I am going to get mad and be done with him, which usually happens within a three week time frame. I explain that this is moving differently than anything I have had in the past and I am not really worried about it. We end the conversation, promising to be honest with each other and to be respectful enough that we can always maintain a working relationship and a friendship.
This conversation gave me a little peace of mind, at least enough to not force him into some drawn out conversation about his feelings. He knows I like what we have and want it to continue but with a little more substance, a little more attachment. But I still want things to move at this nice leisurely pace.
I am still not ready for something super serious. I am focused on my career more than ever and watching my daughter grow up before my eyes. I am not financially as stable as I would like to be but I am working towards some good goals that need to take priority over a boy.
I really like JFK even though this is all so different for me. I usually date these older guys and there aren't many questions as to if they dig me. There is however quite a bit of deceit, at least in my experience. So hopefully this is a good change. JFK does have the one thing I always look for in a guy: Someone who makes me want to be better. He challenges me and I respect him. I want to be this best version of myself, the version of me I love the most, the version I should strive to be all the time. Some times a little motivation can be found in crushing on your financial planner.
For instance, I caught you up on the initial meeting and flirtatious banter with my financial planner when I wrote a month ago. Well a lot has happened in the last 30+ days, but rather than write every moment that has made me swoon; let's get to the current issue at hand:
This boy is going to break my heart.
Things have progressed at a slow and easy pace. I still trying to decide if 'slow and easy' is just a positive way at looking at mildly interested. I hate when relationships feel lopsided or when you just don't know what's going on.
The lack of definition here, has been plaguing me for several days. The more I chat up my crush with my girl friends or get asked at Cheers about JFK, every one seems to have the same question... What's going on with you two?
To which, I have no idea.
So over my pre-date therapy session/beer with Sam Malone, we dive into the vagueness that is this new relationship. We have great chemistry; we get along really well. It's always fun and light-hearted. But I feel like I am in this anxious state of wondering what's going to happen next... I do not have "go with the flow" in me.
This is not a comfortable place for me. As Sam Malone pointed out tonight. "You aren't use to this casually dating thing" No sir, I am not. I like clearly defined "relationships." If you like me and want to get to know me, then you do so but I require undivided attention and a lot of it. I am pretty up front about this expectation but not in this case.
We are in some uncharted territory here. There's been no DTR (Defining The Relationship). There is no expectation of exclusivity. I am "something" (dating, seeing, talking to, sleeping with... something) a twenty-five year old. I've never something'd a twenty-five year old, not even when I was twenty-five. In fact when I was his age, I was a stay-at-home mom planning on marrying Mr. Toilet. I have no idea how to be in this... whatever this is.
It's exciting at best but for the most part nerve racking. I like this guy, I think he is one of the coolest people I have ever met. He's well spoken, educated, driven, well-rounded, and completely put together. Did I mention he looks damn good in a suit? This kid, and yes I call him kid, is the total package. He makes me nervous and giddy. I love spending time with him and I am excited to talk to him every chance I get. I'm kind of smitten but I can't shake the feeling that this kid's going to break my little heart... That's being a bit dramatic but at the very least he might possibly bruise my ego.
So tonight, Sam tells me I have to some how talk about this. I need some sort of definition because I don't want to get my feelings hurt and end up hating him. Sam knows me well. But I am a total wuss. I don't really want to bring this up because I like how things are, I like the way it is progressing but to me I think it is progressing, I don't know what it is to him. I don't want to ruin it, I don't want it to stop; I want it to move forward but I definitely don't want to be an idiot about things.
If this kid is like, "hey this girl is cool, she is a good connection as far as people and networking business wise and sleeping with her on occasion seems like a fun way to pass the time." I want to know that... I also want to know if there is some other girl that is cool, that sleeping with on occasion is fun. I don't want to conform to the constraints of a serious committed relationship. I just want to know what this is... I don't like calling it a "something."
Some of our past conversations have touched on long term plans and not being compatible in the future. Which is a little scary to me but as a twenty-five year old guy, the future still seems like this distant place. He's got all the time in the world to meet some one, fall in love get married and have kids... his 10 year plan does not align with mine. In ten years, I'm like 40. How do people do this? How do you not over analyze something that is so far so good? How do you control the neurotic desire to define a relationship?
I need something so I know what this something is!
The best I could muster tonight was this little wimpy conversation... There was a couple at the restaurant, sitting on the same side of the booth. I jokingly said I wish we sat on the same side of the booth. He knew I was kidding and laughed, that's not going to happen. This opens the door for me to bring up how completely anti-PDA he is... He agrees he's not, yet defends himself with the whole not cuddly affectionate person speech, which I get. I am not super lovey-dovey either, unless I'm drunk. His comfort level and mine really aren't that far off but I am going to need him to graduate from awkward side hug to actual kiss when he sees me. He laughs, concurs and says, "You know what this is? Progress"
He doesn't want some crazy, intense, fast-paced relationship nor do I for that matter. He expresses that he likes what this is and brings up my joke about 3 week relationships. He asks me, some what seriously, when I am going to get mad and be done with him, which usually happens within a three week time frame. I explain that this is moving differently than anything I have had in the past and I am not really worried about it. We end the conversation, promising to be honest with each other and to be respectful enough that we can always maintain a working relationship and a friendship.
This conversation gave me a little peace of mind, at least enough to not force him into some drawn out conversation about his feelings. He knows I like what we have and want it to continue but with a little more substance, a little more attachment. But I still want things to move at this nice leisurely pace.
I am still not ready for something super serious. I am focused on my career more than ever and watching my daughter grow up before my eyes. I am not financially as stable as I would like to be but I am working towards some good goals that need to take priority over a boy.
I really like JFK even though this is all so different for me. I usually date these older guys and there aren't many questions as to if they dig me. There is however quite a bit of deceit, at least in my experience. So hopefully this is a good change. JFK does have the one thing I always look for in a guy: Someone who makes me want to be better. He challenges me and I respect him. I want to be this best version of myself, the version of me I love the most, the version I should strive to be all the time. Some times a little motivation can be found in crushing on your financial planner.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
A Whole New Blog!
THIS MAY SEEM LIKE A STRANGE TITLE considering there are 24 previous posts from the last year but today I am starting a NEW BLOG! I haven't written in quite some time and my old blog web address has been compromised. Although, no real names are ever used it still has gained attention from an unwanted place and since I didn't want to loose the history behind my storytelling I just archived all that madness here.
Don't get me wrong though, it's new! New look, new feel, new lessons, new boys... NEW BLOG!
Speaking of Boys... Today, I had a lunch meeting with a new financial planner. He isn't really new but he is new to actually planning for my financial future. We met early this year when I went in to a large investment firm to pitch a deal for my company. I had actually forgotten about the meeting that day and looked like a total slacker until noon when I realized I had a pretty big appointment with a bank! Crap! This through me into a tailspin so I ran home to shower, fix my hair/make up and throw on the power suit.
I walk into the office, the developer making my warm introduction is a few minutes behind so I can breath easy knowing I'm not late. I am pacing around the waiting room trying to calm my nerves when this adorable guy in a suit walks up and introduces himself. We shake hands and quickly introduce ourselves before my guy gets there and I wonder off to my own meeting.
A few days later he calls and asks me to coffee the following Friday. To be completely honest, I hadn't thought of him since I walked into that meeting but when he called I totally thought he was hitting on me! I must've looked gooooood in my powersuit that day.
To my disappointment, I meet him for coffee, running late of course, sit down and it is ALL business. He asks me about my job and what sort of leads I look for and then gives me some schpeel about wanting to network. We talk about how he works and what his process is and it is a painfully obvious blow to the ego that this guy saw me as a potential client... Not some hottie sales rep.
Challenge Accepted!
I humor him with talks of investments, then when we have sat there long enough, I say it's Friday at 4 and if you want to continue this that is fine but I need a beer! He laughs and agrees. We head over to a new bar have a few brews talk some more and call it a day at about 5:30.
Fast forward, through one botched attempt to meet up on a Saturday night, one other happy hour and a solid 6 weeks of not talking... I call him.
"Dude! I am suppose to enroll in the 401k at my office. I don't know what to do with this, can you look at it for me."
"Sure, let's do lunch."
This time I am not surprised by his professional demeanor, I have got the hint, he's not hitting on me, this is business. We start in with some small talk over my work drama before we delve into his questionnaire.
His customer needs analysis is pretty much what I expected, so I am fairly straight forward the first few questions but after about 20 minutes of banter, I am back to my comfortable self... Poor guy.
"So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?" he asks. "That really depends," I hesitate.
"Ideally are you in the same job? more kids? own a home?..." Without missing a beat I say, "Well, I don't know, if you and I get married do you want to have kids?" Lucky for me he's quick on his feet and thought it was more funny than creepy. I bet no one has ever answered his five year question like that before...
The lunch went well after that... He joked with me and seemed comfortable. He even invited me to watch the Derby this weekend. He knows I am a sucker for all things southern charm and east-coast prep so any occasion with him in a bowtie is usually a yes.
Don't get me wrong though, it's new! New look, new feel, new lessons, new boys... NEW BLOG!
Speaking of Boys... Today, I had a lunch meeting with a new financial planner. He isn't really new but he is new to actually planning for my financial future. We met early this year when I went in to a large investment firm to pitch a deal for my company. I had actually forgotten about the meeting that day and looked like a total slacker until noon when I realized I had a pretty big appointment with a bank! Crap! This through me into a tailspin so I ran home to shower, fix my hair/make up and throw on the power suit.
I walk into the office, the developer making my warm introduction is a few minutes behind so I can breath easy knowing I'm not late. I am pacing around the waiting room trying to calm my nerves when this adorable guy in a suit walks up and introduces himself. We shake hands and quickly introduce ourselves before my guy gets there and I wonder off to my own meeting.
A few days later he calls and asks me to coffee the following Friday. To be completely honest, I hadn't thought of him since I walked into that meeting but when he called I totally thought he was hitting on me! I must've looked gooooood in my powersuit that day.
To my disappointment, I meet him for coffee, running late of course, sit down and it is ALL business. He asks me about my job and what sort of leads I look for and then gives me some schpeel about wanting to network. We talk about how he works and what his process is and it is a painfully obvious blow to the ego that this guy saw me as a potential client... Not some hottie sales rep.
Challenge Accepted!
I humor him with talks of investments, then when we have sat there long enough, I say it's Friday at 4 and if you want to continue this that is fine but I need a beer! He laughs and agrees. We head over to a new bar have a few brews talk some more and call it a day at about 5:30.
Fast forward, through one botched attempt to meet up on a Saturday night, one other happy hour and a solid 6 weeks of not talking... I call him.
"Dude! I am suppose to enroll in the 401k at my office. I don't know what to do with this, can you look at it for me."
"Sure, let's do lunch."
This time I am not surprised by his professional demeanor, I have got the hint, he's not hitting on me, this is business. We start in with some small talk over my work drama before we delve into his questionnaire.
His customer needs analysis is pretty much what I expected, so I am fairly straight forward the first few questions but after about 20 minutes of banter, I am back to my comfortable self... Poor guy.
"So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?" he asks. "That really depends," I hesitate.
"Ideally are you in the same job? more kids? own a home?..." Without missing a beat I say, "Well, I don't know, if you and I get married do you want to have kids?" Lucky for me he's quick on his feet and thought it was more funny than creepy. I bet no one has ever answered his five year question like that before...
The lunch went well after that... He joked with me and seemed comfortable. He even invited me to watch the Derby this weekend. He knows I am a sucker for all things southern charm and east-coast prep so any occasion with him in a bowtie is usually a yes.
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