Breaking Up is an
inevitable part of dating. I date a lot, almost continuously, and
therefore have been through a lot of break ups. Some times I do the
breaking up, most of the time I don't, but either way someone leaves a
relationship hurt.
My
method of healing is a combination of behaviors. I start by listening
strictly to gangster rap because you aren't going to find Lil' Wayne
singing a heart felt love ballad. Some retail therapy because a new
purse or dress or panties (seriously, try it) gives you some instant
gratification and something to look forward to. I also get all dressed
up. Looking good makes you feel good and gives you an excuse to go get
drunk. (I didn't say these were all healthy habits) A good night with
your bestie drinking champagne in a crowded bar fully of pretty people
to watch and flirt with is a nice distraction. Now I am a little old to
be 'rolling home a reasor' to bed down as a rebound but I am not judging
if you do, I have done it myself. I can't swear it will never happen
again, but I do know that "you can't get under one to get over another."
More appropriately I read a lot and write about how I feel, I process.
You have to process the end of the relationship to move past it, however
your process goes it just takes time.
I
have become fairly accustomed to the break up so getting over one is a
shorter process now then when I was younger and actually thought I loved
some of these ass holes. It's a longer process if you actual did love
the ass hole.
In
the past few weeks I have had three friends all of whom I consider to
be "best friends" but that is because I really liked elementary school
and having a best friend and I refuse to give that up! Look out girls
there are "Be Fri" "st end" broken heart necklaces in your Christmas
stalkings this year! I digress, three of my best friends have all been
having some major man issues this past month.
First
I have a girl friend that is desperately dating. I know that sounds
negative but she is seeking the man of her dreams the only way she knows
how, with hard work and determination. She is one of the smartest,
quick witted girls I know. She is beautiful and funny and single. But
she wants to get married and have babies. The trick is not being overly
available, men like to chase. It is a fine balancing act between
stroking their ego and playing coy.
My
mother's advice to me in my last break up is fitting here. Next time
you meet a man you are interested in, you cannot give him all of you all
at once. You shouldn't ever call but you should return calls. You
shouldn't make the plans, he should. If a guy wants to see you, he will.
Men aren't to shy to ask you out, and if they are well, that man can't
keep up with you anyway. So don't be the aggressor. This is extremely
difficult for me, I am so aggressive. It is difficult for her because
with everything else in life if you go after it hard enough you can
achieve it.
I
adore this girl, and hope she isn't mad reading this, but I want her to
be happy. The good men are not all gone. You just have to know when to
ease up, so you don't send them heading for the hills. I have sent a few
running in my day with my co-dependent crazy. I hate to see her
frustrated when all she should do is live her life for just her, because
that is the only thing she really has control over.
Friend
number two is in one of those volatile relationships that is hot and
cold. I always know when she is either really happy or in a really bad
place because she doesn't talk to me. I don't think I would consider her
a best friend but some one I care for very much. She is living her life
and I just hope it is a life she loves. I am sure it is... Over the
years I have just realized it is not a life I can really identify with.
I
battle with a tendency to become very co-dependent. But only once in my
life have I allowed myself to become completely dependent on a man. Mr.
Toilet supported me financially as well as emotionally. I think the
major reason he went seeking another women was because I lost a part of
myself in him. Things were always great between us when I was really
focused on me and not on us.
I realize
that I think she is settling for a life that is less than she deserves
but she may not see it that way. I see pieces of my own flawed nature in
watching her stay in a relationship that is only really good some of
the time. I know relationships have their ups and downs but sometimes
the good really doesn't out weigh the bad, and failing is scary. I just
hope she doesn't give so much of herself away that she is trapped in
something she wakes up and realizes she is not where she wanted to be in
her life.
Finally, my third friend with a broken heart has lost the man she has dated off and on for 10 years. No. Seriously. This isn't even a bad episode of Sex and The City. My Champaigne drinking best friend through a course of events has broken up with her long time on again, off again boyfriend. Their history is sorted but essentially in the end, he cheated and isn't good enough for her.
Don't get me wrong she is devastated BUT she is
focused on herself and healing. She has realized that this relationship
is truly over and is just forcing herself through the pain. Just like
any other girl who has ever lost a love, she fights the urge to pick up
the phone and call him, to reopen the lines of communication, to make excues and forgive. She is fighting the desire to crack
the door so he can slither back in, but she isn't allowing it. She is
utterly determined to live the life he was holding her back from having.
She looks better than ever due to the Zumba and lack of appetite. She
is honed in on her career and making amazing strides at work. She is so
disinterested in actually dating anyone that flirting with random boys
when we hit the bar is sufficient. She is dealing and healing with books
to better herself and some angry music. She is just doing what I wish
every girl would do. She cried, then took a shower and is getting on
with HER life.
