The Boy I Met at The Symphony Makes a Memorable Exit

ll is quiet on the boy front this week. The only thing occupying the part of my brain that desires to date is a slightly unhealthy obsession with My Future Husband. My mother likes to think of him as good motivation for reaching life goals. I like to day dream about weddings. Yep, I am that crazy but I cannot be alone in this insanity; why do you think Pinterest is such a huge success. Girls planning imaginary weddings to boys they have not actually gone on first dates with... Yet.

I have been catching up on my writing and thinking about past loves/mistakes. Referring back to A Short Update about My Need to Write   to remind me of what I have intended to tell you about but I'm pretty board with the Ghosts of Boys Past. I miss Milk a bit but our last encounter was a bad decision wrapped in OU/Texas weekend laced with Red Bull and Vodkas. 

I've been spending a lot of time with a childhood friend, Marcus. We have been close since I was in 6th grade. We met when I was 11, he was 12 and his brother was 14. The history there is sort of hilarious. His brother was My First Kiss when I was fifteen. Our parents are friends and Marcus and I have remained close off and on for the past 18 years. 

I have come to appreciate his friendship more than ever. There is a lot to be said for someone who you have known for this long. It's comfortable realizing you are sort of stuck with each other. I mean if I haven't done something to piss him off irreparably by now, chances are it's not gonna happen. 


This past weekend we ended up at the same Christmas Party. A group of Young Professionals in our city all getting together for a Christmas Eve, Eve Soiree. The Boy I Met at The Symphony has been texting me beforehand and ends up meeting me there.


Marcus is there with his date and she turns out to be a total doll, which I hardly ever expect because I am beyond critical of the girls he chooses to bring around. I like her though and he meets The Boy I Met at The Symphony. Night goes on, BIMATS is all over me which is nice because he is a good little piece of arm candy but when I turn out not to be just a piece of ass for him to take home later, he sort of loses interest.


Let's talk about this for a second... Come the effe on! I am a 28 year old single mom and I get that I date a lot but this guy and I have been talking for months and although, it isn't serious. We have gone out for drinks and meals and out of town to football games together, so dating, although not exclusive would apply here. I say this because the reason I have never dated a boy younger than me and went through such a substantial Old Guy phase is because of shit like this. 


I shoot down the automatic sleepover mostly because a good girl friend of mine is in town and staying with me. He seems fine at first but once he gets a few more Whiskeys in him his judgment fades and the slutty little girl we shall call Jessica steps into his view. I am allowed to call her slutty because the majority of the evening he was obviously with me. 


Marcus and I are having a chat and I look up to where people are dancing in the living room and see this kid straight making out with Jessislut. My reaction is a calm, "Well that's not very cool." Marcus's reaction is more of the 'O No He Diiiidn't' variety. Before, he can be stopped, he marches over there separates them, she walks away and he says something, who knows what but assume threatening and I decide to approach. 


The conversation went something like this, "Seriously, WTF? are you thinking?"
"Why would you be mad, all I am is a boy toy to you."
"You have got to be kidding me..." insert rant of meaningful things we have spent time doing together... "which is completely besides the point, because I don't care if you kiss half the freaking city, don't do it at a party, with my friends, where you have been kissing me all night. Don't make me look bad because you are an immature ass hole."
Interruption from Marcus, who has stormed out to find us... "I swear to god, if you ever disrespect her like this again, you will be unrecognizable. Do you hear me, I will destroy you."
I thank Marcus tell him I love him, he walks off and Immature Dumb Ass that I Met at The Symphony proceeds to apologize with all sorts of excuses about never having a real girl friend, not thinking I actually liked him, being drunk,  he can't imagine how he would react if someone did something like this to his sister... la di da di da... 
Re-enter Marcus: Ready to beat the ever living crap out of this Douche. "See this brick wall, I will paint this wall with your face. I will..." You get the picture. The dumb kid definitely gets it because he is apologizing to him as well. Marcus walks off, Jessislut walks out and I say to the dumbass... "I imagine she's a sure thing, go get her" and I walk back inside.


In the end I wasn't hurt he was kissing another girl, hell I have totally gone out with several guys since he and I first met. I was just mad he did it in front of people I knew. I don't want to look like an idiot in front of a bunch of acquaintances. The girl with the date who left with another girl... Awkward. But I do have the best guy friend who is willing to disfigure any man who disrespects me and walking away with that blatant understanding is worth a little embarrassment from a douche bag that wont find himself for another 10 years... Best of Luck Kid. 

New Rule: 30+ from now on for me... Or just waiting on My Future Husband! :)

My First Kiss

I love my first kiss story. I am not sure there is a better first kiss story in the whole world. I hope every girl feels this way about their first kiss. It should be so memorable that every detail stands ingrained in your mind forever. Don't get me wrong this is not a first love kind of story but more of a young dumb hilarious story. This is the story that will set the stage for the rest of my ridiculous love life.

My first kiss was at 15 years old. I was a Sophomore in High School and really involved with my church's youth group. At church I had a bunch of guy friends, in life I have always had a bunch of guy friends but we were all seriously just friends. For every formal function at any of our schools, they had a built in date and they could wait until the very last minute to ask me. 

It was Christmas time 1998 and as usual my good buddy Marcus was a Junior at another school and had his Christmas formal coming up. It was Saturday and he decided to secure me as his date the Sunday before. I of course said yes and we made plans to go. Marcus and I had been friends for four years and I had been nursing an insane crush on his older brother since the day we all met the summer before 6th grade. 


Saturday Night rolls around, Mark picks me up in a limo with some other friends of his, I am wearing a black velvet dress my mom bought me as a surprise and he is of course in a suit. We head to the dance and are having a great time. 


Now would be a good time to interject that Marcus asked me to go because he had recently broken up with his girlfriend and I was a pretty safe way of making her jealous and him not have to worry about a date. So at some point in the evening, he and this girl he had been on and off with for some time decide to have a conversation aka fight high school couple style. So, Marcus' older brother knowing I didn't know anyone else there asks me to dance.


A fast song turns to a slow song and we continue to dance. Marcus is no where in sight and I am thanking his brother for saving me from hanging in the bathroom. And then, it happens... He kisses me. My first real, his tongue in my mouth kiss! I could not believe it, I could recount the day I met him with freakish detail because he was (one of several I'm sure) my dream guy and he just kissed me. It was a long perfect kiss and I totally kissed him back. 


Then, coming too from the delusions of grandeur I have just experienced we look at each other, promise not to tell Marcus and say we will talk later. The night comes to a close, Marcus is none the wiser and I make it home safe and sound. He walks me to my door but a simple hug is all that's expected since we really are just friends. I go to bed with giddy butterflies in my stomach because as 15, I was finally kissed and that was that... or so I thought. 


A few weeks later, on Wednesday at Bible Study of all places with all of our church peers around, Marcus walks in with a chip on his shoulder sits next to me, waits for everyone to gather around and says with great confidence, "a funny thing happened at school today." I without thinking anything of it inquire as to what this hilarity may have been. 
"Well you know the guy with the camera who walks around taking 'Party Pics' at school dances?"
O Shit!... "Yeah" 
"Those pictures were posted in the commons today and guess what?! You KISSED MY BROTHER!"
I couldn't even get an apology out before he said, "Were you making out with him all night?"
"No! It was one kiss, he kissed me. I am so-"
"Well it was one kiss that was in three pictures! Must have been a hell of a kiss."
"I am so sorry... I am so so sorry," I am also mortified, we are having this conversation in front of a group of our closest peers. I am so ready to get out of there but, I can't drive, I'm 15. 


Marcus and I got passed this and remain close friends to this very day. Mostly because his little announcement embarrassed me about as much as he was being told all day that his date made out with his brother. We joke about the scenario now and even our parents find it pretty funny but that was the last time I was his date to a dance.

I Wish I Liked Girls

I write about boys all the time but today I feel the need to write about girls. I think it's time we figure out why I don't really like them.  Obviously, this isn't a confession into my new found lesbianism as the title could misread. It's about how even as a girl, I don't understand girls in relationships.

Starting around Sophomore year of high school I decided that I really disliked girls, more that girls didn't like me. Don't get me wrong I had like two girl friends that I hung out with all the time and high school would have completely sucked without them but at 15 I was pretty certain I wasn't a girlfriend kind of girl. 

Over the next decade my opinion on this would fluctuate. I have had periods where I have tried to have girl friends; buying into the idea that the only reason girls don't have girl friends is because they are slutty or bitchy or some other derogatory characteristic associated with females. I don't necessarily believe that now. I kind of think sluts are a pack animal but I digress.

If I look at my relationships with females the same way I began to analyze my male romantic relationships back in February I have to face the hard fact that I am the constant. So maybe the reason my friendships with other females have a year or two expiration, is just me. I would like to blame every other woman on the planet but that isn't very logical.

Every job I have ever had has come with female conflict. I never start out with a girl just excited and happy to meet me, no I start in the negative every single time. When I was working at summer camps, I just hung out with the boys. As a lifeguard and the coffee shop I just flirted with the boys. Until I became a waitress at a sports bar, then I got hit on by boys. That job was a blast, girls were nice because the owner loved me. It didn't hurt that my roommate (Liv) and I made the biggest tips and rang the largest checks.

Then, came big girl jobs. I actually had a boss at 22 tell me after we had become friends that she was surprised she liked me the day I interviewed. She confessed to making me wait while she went to the bathroom and discussed with the other girl I would be working with how big of a waste of time I was going to be. I confessed I already knew that; I could feel it when I sat down that I was starting in the negative. Every job until the one I have now has started with a bunch of bitches who hate me. Currently I work on a sales staff of all men and one other female, Mrs. Cop. We have an office Mom too. I haven't had an issue with anyone there. 

My brother and I discussed my lack of female friends and his opinion was very insightful. He said even with girls you consider very good friends there is this weird judgment you all pass on each other. Ding! Ding! Ding! How true is that?! Honestly, we do. I do it, I try not to but I am no better. I absolutely judge the boys my friends date, the way they handle relationships with their families, friends and romantic partners. It isn't fair but it happens.

It wasn't until I was faced with my most recent personal drama that I realized who I actually had let into my life. I have had the most amazing support. My therapist, my office mom and my childhood best friend, Thank God for Liv. The only other person 'in the know' of any real intimate details of my life, I regret which makes me sad.

Regardless, I feel like I am a really good friend. I am understanding through situations that warrant pure selfishness as a way to cope. I do what is asked, whether it be to be the party girl distraction or the tearful confidant. I have been around whenever I was needed. I never claim to make the best decisions or have my life totally together but I am a really good friend. I don't feel like I have really good friends in return. 

I remember this scene in Ally McBeal where Georgia asks Ally out of frustration, "What makes your issues so much bigger than everybody else's?" The answer was painfully honest, "They're mine." If that is what relationships with females are like; placing yourself above everyone else, I see why I don't have many female friends. I am fortunate enough to have  sisters, a mom and a best friend since I was 5 who unconditionally love me and I them. There is nothing and I mean nothing they could do to change that. I get that the family is sort of stuck with me but I am lucky there. I have an amazing group of women I am honored to be related to.

Lately, I am most thankful that I have been able to be here for Liv through the most difficult time in her life. I have cried with her, drank wine with her, packed boxes and reminisced over countless memories. I am thankful that in her weakest moments I have been able to hold her hand and do what ever was necessary to allow her the slightest bit of comfort. I am thankful that God gave me her and she takes care of me in the same manner. She has come to me out of love in every situation we have ever faced. I am thankful that instead of 5 girl friends in this life, at 5 years old He gave me one. One girl that would be a constant driving force. I am so much better for knowing her. I am blessed actually blessed by her.

I guess by the end of writing this blog I am no longer disappointed in my lack of female friends because at the end of the day I would rather be able to talk with my mother and my one good girl friend than anyone else in the world.

The Man of My Dreams at QT

I saw The Man of My Dreams at QT the other morning getting gas. I know, right! I just happen to glance in the general direction of a total stranger and decide he was the newest object of my affection. It isn't normal but it's me. Apparently it really is a good idea to never leave the house without being prepared to meet a dashing stranger... or an old enemy. 

I am not at my usual QT since I am house sitting for my best couple friends. I am rocking this dress I found in Tia's closet that is a LOUD floral print of hot pink, pink and brown. It hugs in all the right places and shows off my best feature, my legs! Thank you mom! It's almost 8am and I am running late, as usual. But I look good... almost as good as this...

Thirties, no ring, 6foot 3ish, dark hair, athletic build, strong jaw line- I love a nicely defined jaw line- wearing HOSPITAL SCRUBS! Ever since Grey's Anatomy, I don't even care if you are being a fake doctor on Halloween I love a man in scrubs. 90's pop group, TLC you were wrong, I actually do want scrubs!

Eye contact made several times in the store. He walks out first but I see him watch me walk to my car, we are parked next to each other at the pumps. I shoot him a flirty smile as I am getting gas. We both leave heading the same direction. He's in a new Avalanche with paper tags, I am crazy enough to notice this detail because had it been a real plate the only other girl at my office is married to a cop and you know what that means... Tax dollars at work stalking Hot Guys! Perks. 

By the time I get to work I am down right giddy and the first thing I do is tell Mrs. Cop my story. Before I can say "he had a paper tag," she says, "did you get his plate?" To which you have to laugh, because she knows me so well! 

The next week at our regularly scheduled dinner Wednesday Night. Tia and I are drinking Vodkas and I squeal, "I almost forgot! I saw the man of my dreams at QT last week when I was house sitting, pretty sure he was a doctor and gorgeous, maybe a surgeon! O and PS I stole your dress and I'm keeping it." 
She laughs, "He probably wasn't a doctor, you know my best friend from college? She is married to a surgical equipment sales rep and he wears scrubs every day."
"No, this is my dream guy, he was a doctor."
"How funny, you would think her husband was really hot. He is tall and very good looking but he's getting soft you know, beer gut, ha!"
"This guy was gorgeous, no gut he drove an Avalanche, too bad it had paper tags."
At this moment, the mischievous all-knowing grin on Tia's face is priceless, "Uh, was it silver?..."
"Oh My GAWD!"
Hysterical laughter ensues as she barely gets the words out!... "That is him! That is her husband, sorry sister 3 kids and very married."
"NO WAY!... Dammit! But he doesn't wear a ring." I hate when married men don't wear rings, it's false advertising. I guess it's the male pay back for the Miracle Bra.
"He is in surgeries all day. I cannot wait to tell her! Makes since though, they live down the street."
With a tinge of disappointment we get a good laugh.

The sad part is, I wasn't even surprised that the McDreamy look-a-like was married to her long time close friend. Nope, that is actually how my life goes. 
C'est la vie!

The End of The Not Dating Until 2012 Rule

This little blog was born after back-to-back down right stupid break ups. Both of which are so embarrassing and ridiculous that I was smacked in the face with reality- I have TERRIBLE, terrible (so bad I needed to say it twice) taste in Men. 

My Solution: I Am NOT Dating Until 2012 

Sounds all empowering and independent right? Right! But if you've read my blog you must be thinking "for not dating you sure do talk about a lot of boys." Yes, this is true. Although I have not been in a relationship of any substance I have still seen a lot of boys. Pretty sure I have had 2 Future Next Boyfriends and a Future Husband. I've met "The Man of My Dreams" on three separate occasions but mostly my focus has been just me. 

The pattern I was hell bent on breaking was my tendency to date Old Guys. I am 28. I know that is "so young" and I seem so "mature and wise" (HA!) with such great "life-experience." I can seriously attract Old Guys. Mr MexicanFood and Mr Baseball were both in their 40s with a couple kids and ex-wives who hated them (rightfully so). Mr. Toilet, who I almost married is 13ish years older than me. Even my ex husband is 36... I date Old Guys. This had to stop!

So in No Date 2011, I kinda just swore off old guys. I don't really want an Old Guy anyway. Sure, the stability is pretty nice and they are already house trained since they have at least one 10+ year failed marriage under their belt. But generally speaking, they are done having kids, look ridiculous dancing at a bar, and have some pretty odd ego issues since they are dating some one who was in kindergarten during their college years. 

Also, I am not mature, at all! I interview well... I can talk about any subject and I am fun, like really fun. Not to toot my own horn-but I'm going to anyway. I am kinda funny with very little "give a shit" left in me; I like beer and can talk about anything on ESPN, this makes me Real Fun! 

Mostly, it's that I can get these idiots to open up some old wounds. Usually in regards to their 'bitch of an ex wife' but sometimes their childhood and I make them feel better about themselves. I can literally be The Most Affirming Person in The World. Just ask my Champagne Drinking Best Friend. I am this mirage of put together that sucks them in and then my adorable charm takes hold but eventually... It just falls apart and we can all thank god for that! 


I finally said to myself, "I gotta quit playing house with these old guys and find myself a nice 30-something at the start of his career with similar interests that would make the mean girls blind with jealousy over our engagement photos."

Now, to snag one of these elusive majestic creatures, you have to throw out the right bait. A well dressed fit bod with a good job, decent car and cute little girlie pad should do the trick. I do not have all of these things and therefore I am not really ready to date My Future Husband- neither the one I've already picked out or some one I have yet to meet. I am not the person I want to be, to get the kind of guy I want to get, but I am a hell of a lot closer today than I was when I started this Blog. 


Old Guys have a tendency to cut me a little slack in the "put-together" section of life because I have potential. They sort of over look some pretty major flaws like unemployed or living with my parents because they don't need me to contribute financially per say and since I interview so well, those are just temporary set backs. Old Guys are a band aid that allow me to continue living a life without taking much responsibility for myself or my horrible decisions. Just like I make them feel better, they let me stay the same. 


ENOUGH... Let's get a job! Check. Got that back on track at the end of Mr. Baseball. Upgrade the ride, check. New responsible car since I have a good job! I am well dressed but now that I work, I am in a suit more often which is Hot! Fit Bod, is sort of a hang up but a work in progress. Operation Smokin' Hot is in effect and I expect to see results by Valentine's Day. A Cute New Little Girlie Pad is my goal within the next 6 months. By summer I will be READY! 


I still meet and flirt with boys. I go on the occasional date but lately it is with boys closer to my age that I keep at enough of a distance they don't interfere with the progress I have made. I like to maintain contact with one or two potentials just for motivation. A prime example would be the 26 year old insurance agent I met at the symphony. He is 6'8'' and beautiful but happens to work for my ex-brother-in-law so other than casually hanging out that isn't going to be anything. He sure is a nice piece of arm candy and I really like telling people we met at The Symphony. C'mon, how posh is that?

My Future Husband.... AKA The Most Embarrassing Moment of My Life.

In July of 2010 my Bad Ass Brother took on a new music project at his Studio. I was asked to help him for the day as a little assistant. I'm real good at that since I can basically read his mind.

On this fateful July day I walk into see THE most gorgeous man I have ever had the privilege of laying my eyes on personally. If you know me at all you realize I use the term "most gorgeous man" frequently but this time I mean it.

I walk over to my bro and this conversation actually happens:

Me: uh, who that? (you should picture my pupils dilated to the size of saucers and my tongue on the floor)

Brother: that's 'insert real name here'

Me: yeah... I think I'm going to marry him.

Brother: great...

This project of Brother's was pretty kick ass and watching the man of my dreams all day was quite fulfilling. But then when we wrapped for the night and got a few beers in us My Future Husband KISSED ME! Fire-freaking-works!

It was a nice little parking lot make out session and then we never talked again... Until...

My brother and this guy decided to go into business together. Hallelujah! So now he's around all the time. Did you catch that Hallelujah Chorus?

So we've become buds but I really only see him when he's with my Brother. We are friendly and I am in love, and calling him almost exclusively My Future Husband. I do this so much that even my family calls him that, mostly my Fabulous Sis-in-law, but everyone knows who I'm referring to.

So my bro and my husband-to-be have started a company. I like to hang out there, in fact I am writing this from there Right Now as they work, loudly. MFH just finished his work out. I watched. I have no shame.

Back to the point of this story...

One day I'm hanging at the Bros music studio and we are having a sibling convo about me and my issues. My Future Husband is not there, neither of us think he is coming by so we have safely ventured into my master plan for actually making him a member of the family.

This night MFH has a film project playing at a local theater and Brother is having to go as a supportive man best friend. I say in a normal tone "sure would've been cool if my husband had invited me to the premiere of his film." As soon as I finish the sentence I look up from my laptop to see him standing directly in front of me.

Are you Efffing kidding me?!!? My Future Husband has walked into this giant echoing room without either of us noticing and has just heard me refer to him as my husband, not even future, in a sentence that was so detailed it couldn't even be passed off as about ANYONE else.

To make matters just a smidge worse I am stand up to say hey and give him a hug then immediately walk out the door. I am obviously mortified. I can't even play this off. I text Brother from the bathroom as he is just trying not to laugh. By the time I get back in there, composed, we all just act like nothing happened. It was awful and awkward.

I still wanna marry him...