The Rubber Band Effect

Why do men have to be so damn predictable? Last Sunday afternoon New Guy and I were talking about our busy week ahead and how our schedules had both of us busy every night. I made some snide remark about maybe next week. Then, went into how maybe this forced separation would stave off the "Rubber Band Effect" that was sure to hit some time next week. Confused, he asked what I meant so I explained:
          The Rubber Band Effect happens in relationships where you start out with a great connection, great chemistry, wanting to be around each other all the time and then BAM! Something changes. The relationship all of a sudden slows down (or comes to a screeching halt). The guy does this retreat into his own camp using some version of the 'too much to quick' excuse. The women often responds with more pressure and wanting to talk about it, trying to maintain the established routine or see even more of the man which pushes him further away until... Rubber band Breaks.

New Guy "has never noticed this trend in his relationships" and is quick to offer assurance of his feelings. Plans change, the week frees up and we end up together... A lot. Talking all the time, seeing each other almost everyday, hanging with our kids together. It was a lot. He doesn't go out of town Saturday but makes plans with the guys, which is totally fine. I wanted to see my Champagne Drinking Best Friend anyway! But I can tell, it is the beginning of the Rubber Band Effect. 


So here we are Sunday, and our 14 phone calls a day have been 2 and our 40 texts have been 3, both initiated by me. He is in full pull away mode... Combination of justifications going on in his head but really this is par for the course. My mind races between, he has met someone new or is freaking out about how committed this relationship feels already. 


My urge is to call and address this change in behavior. This urge is wrong and will surely get me kicked to the curb, maybe not immediately but on my way. So, I am trying to follow the advice I give my girlfriends but some how rarely manage to listen to myself. I am leaving him the hell alone! 

If he wants to talk to me he will call. He is guy, a guy who likes you will make time for you. With this renewed since of 'he needs to chase me' comes the beginning of my emotional detachment. I don't want to drive myself insane thinking about what he is thinking or doing. I automatically go to dealing with it as if it is over. I know, it sounds extreme, and I know it isn't over. But it is easier to sort of move past him than to wait around until he decides to come back. 


I hate this game. I hate this theory, and how it is always correct and right on schedule. Three Weeks= Rubber band 


I will let you know when New Guy comes back (they always come back) or if he gets a nickname, Mr. Baseball perhaps and I move on to the next possible love of my life.

Houston, We Have A Problem!

I am not a big fan of Houston,TX. Just the name gives me anxiety. This is most likely attributed to Mr. Toilet's "cancer" in 2008. He would visit "Houston" at least once sometimes twice a month. Although it wasn't cancer it was another girlfriend and it wasn't in Houston, it was Albuquerque.

So New Guy is heading to Houston today for his Great Uncle's Surprise 90th Birthday Party. His father and uncle are already down there. He is just going for one maybe two nights. We are not in a place where this should bother me but it is driving me nuts.

Which brings me to my need to write today. I need to give New Guy the benefit of the doubt without being blind to anything he could be doing. I like what he and I have, I just need to trust that he isn't stringing me along to pass the time until the person he really wants to be with is ready for him.

How ridiculous is this fear? He says Houston and I automatically assume some elaborate lie to stay in Tulsa and meet up with his most recent ex. He wouldn't want me to know because he hasn't decided what he actually wants. The saddest part is this has played out, in my real life, count it, FOUR times, each one varying slightly and two of them using Houston.

New Guy and I have logged quite a few hours of relationship time over the past several weeks. There are real emotions and feelings getting involved at this point. I would be disappointed if he decided he didn't want to see me anymore and I would be hurt if he was seeing other people. But am I creating an attachment to him prematurely? Are we still in this limbo of getting to know each other, with no strings attached, and should I be more guarded?

I think he gets me, and my crazy. I think he wouldn't want to ruin our chances at least at a friendship by deceiving me. I think he is honest to a fault and if there was another agenda or another person he would tell me. But then again, I have thought this all before and been completely wrong.

I want New Guy to actually be the person I think he is, not just the next story in my laughable love life. I want him to be better than those who came before him.