I have been analyzing my friendships with the opposite sex a lot lately. Let's start with JFK... We finally ended the grey dating but not dating we had been doing for months and then he was just sort of gone. It was good timing for him to pull the Houdini because my rebound boy came along all too quickly to take my mind off of him.
My rebound relationship came in the form of one of my oldest friends and isn't that just the most dangerous kind? Yes, my raw, heartbroken, bitter, angry brain decided that when a high school guy friend finally made his move after 13 years it would be a good idea to go for it. I'm an idiot.
I would be lying if I didn't confess that for the first 3ish weeks this relationship was perfect. We were having a blast, all of our mutual friends were in this weird state of shock that we got together but they loved it. We were a couple in a world of our peers that were all couples. We just sort of fell into this perfect little niche' group and we both loved it.
We have always really cared for each other and the only time the friendship line had been blurred, it wasn't pursued because of him, not me. This time he was just in awe of who I have become over the last two years and let's be honest- I have done some work on myself.
As far as being in a good position to start a relationship, I am there. I am in a stable career, I make fantastic money, like enough that I am no longer attracted to older rich men who could take care of me. I live in a gorgeous house, in a neighborhood I have always been in love with and I drive a decent car. My daughter is downright amazing. Her father and I have a great relationship so I don't have any baby daddy drama. I am even getting along with my father.
Right now, my life is so unbelievably good, I can see where Cherry (my high school friend) would totally want to date me. The thing he didn't know was how devastated I was over JFK. He couldn't have known because initially even I didn't realize it.
I am right when I say that when I decide it is over, it really is pushed out of my mind. JFK played such an intricate role in the my climb to functioning adulthood, I have had a really hard time letting go of him. Cherry didn't have a prayer for living up to the standard JFK had created.
The first few weeks with Cherry were total bliss but as real life sets in and his flaws come out, I wanted out. I wanted out well before he ever screwed up and gave me the out. I was looking for a way to bail for weeks! His lack of motivation in his career, his complacency and acceptance of mediocrity were hugely unattractive. ALMOST as unattractive as his massive alcohol problem, the snoring, the gut and the inability to know when things were appropriate. By the time I got my 'get out of jail free card' I was ready to kill him.
I was sure it wasn't going to last by about 3 weeks in but at that same moment he had gone all in and I didn't want to ruin the friendship I have honestly cherished for years. It really is true that you only know what people want you to know about them until you insert yourself into their day to day life.
Cherry, wasn't what I thought and he wasn't what I wanted. He finally got fed up with my bitchy attitude when he made a drunken ass of himself in front of my dearest friends on a vacation that I PAID FOR that he yelled "F- YOU!" at me. To be fair, I was being a raging bitch at this moment. Regardless, straw meet camel, camel this is straw. BOOM! I'm OUT!
He crossed a line that I would not allow any man to ever come back from. He disrespected me and not for the first time, but he verbally assaulted me in front of my friends and more importantly my daughter. It was that moment, I sighed with relief more than anger and knew I was home free.
This was the first time Miss Priss had ever been exposed to that kind of an outburst which brought on a whole knew parenting issue. It was a moment I am almost thankful for, it allowed me to explain how disrespectful that was and how I would not stand for it. She would never see me tolerate a man that disrespected me and also should never have a man in her life that sees it as acceptable to talk down to her in any way. I took it as a moment to be honest with my daughter about what she deserves.
Now, Cherry isn't a bad person, he isn't even a bad drunk. He just isn't as mindful of his behavior as he should be. He isn't husband material, he isn't even boyfriend material. I got out and I got out quick! Before we got too far into a relationship and couldn't salvage the friendship. He still calls and invites me to do stuff but we will never date again. Thank god!
The end of Cherry showed me a few things. 1) I am not over JFK and 2) it is going to take a hell of a man to live up to the standard I have created for a partner.
As soon as Cherry was officially out the door JFK and I began chatting again. It isn't the same back and forth dating conversation that drug on for so many months. We really are entering into the friend zone. I love that man with all my heart and if he asked me tomorrow if I wanted to try this again, I would say yes. But I am ready to move forward.
I realize that I want everything that JFK is but I want someone who thinks I am just as incredible even more. I see the mistakes I made in that relationship but I am thankful for it nevertheless. So as I venture back into a friendship with this glorious man, I am opening myself up to someone new. I am appreciating the insight he has into who I am as a person and his ability to just know me better than anyone else. I am also letting go of the idea that we will ever make it.
I am in a good place with these boys. I am believe that if men and women understand each others boundaries and weaknesses and they don't test or exploit either then they can make a friendship work. Even a friendship after a relationship.
