I OWE CLOSURE ON THE HANDYMAN although it’s a story I am not sure has ended and I have been facing it without writing here. For the last month we have moved to being friends. He’s seeing other people. He’s still messed up from his divorce. He isn’t even completely divorced. He loves me but would rather have me as a a friend than hurt me.
After about a month of processing. Negotiating. Hang on. Letting go. Adapting. Playing house. Breaking up in a big extravagant fashion. Taking space. Becoming friends. I have started looking for someone else to spend time with. The thing is... I keep looking for someone I’d rather talk to than the handyman.
We broke up so he could find someone he didn’t really care for and I moved on looking for someone I love more.
Best friend Kasey and I run up to the lake last weekend. It was a weekend full of girl talk and both of us playing on our bumble seeing who was around. Enter Mr. CoorsLight.
Mr CoorsLight shows up at the lake. Has a couple standard pics that I swipe right on: camo and beard. I kick it off with just asking about the lake. He said he was up there getting the lake house ready. Then I asked where home was he said Lawton. I said ahhh... I’m in Tulsa. That was it.
Two days later I get another read one message. Asking me if the waders in one of my pics were mine. I said yes... I’m kind of awesome. He said you are definitely awesome. To such my response was; I’m pretty cool you don’t know anything about me... how about I give you my highlight reel... then I sent him this:
I’m almost 37 and have a almost 17 year old daughter. She’s going to be a senior next year and I’m not quite sure how I’m going to handle life with her not under my roof. May have to move closer to where ever she goes to college. 😂 not even kidding.
I work in marketing. I’m a consultant for digital strategy for large media organizations. So I work with their departments to make best use of first party data and targeted advertising.
I love everything. My dad totally wanted a boy. So I am into all the dude stuff. I love to hike, camp, ski, fish, climb, I’ll sit in a deer stand, I can throw a pretty tight spiral and know more about all sports than most dudes. I can hit the ball every time I swing a golf club and rarely lose a ball. I love a medium rare steak and a great red wine. I wear shorts and boots as much as possible. I am an excellent cook, not just baker, I can throw down in the kitchen. Work out 5/6 times a week. Love to travel. Collect bourbons. Read a ton, mostly business Books or psychology. Super into people and connection. Love Jesus. Cuss like a sailor. Fuck on the first date if the chemistry is there. Straight shooter. Always honest to a fault. Appreciate that in others. And I unapologetically want a good looking best friend that I like to sleep with... that’s the goal. Not worried about marriage and don’t really care for more kids. So I’m kinda just go with the flow all the time.
I spend too much money. My house is only clean when I’m in a relationship. I don’t like scary movies or raw tomatoes. I have terrible taste in men. I’m an over communicator, over analyzing everything. My mind rarely slows down. I probably drink too much. I enjoy pot way more than I should. Not sure how I waited until it was legal but I did. Boom. Not much else to know... I’ll let you process all that. 😂🤣
His response was amazing:
If someone asked me what I thought the perfect woman would be like I’d just copy and paste what you just sent me.
I’m 41 and divorced for over 10 years now. No kids but I’m one hell of an uncle. I’m the 3rd generation of that family business. We’re Coors distributors down here in SWOK. I’m currently the brand manager while also taking on more of my dads work load as he’s looking toward retirement. We have a family ranch in the Wichita mountains where I’ve spent lots of my life hunting, fishing, and raising hell. I love to ski as well and bought my first pair of custom fitted ski boots this year. Absolute game changer that I should have done 10 years ago. I’d wear boots, jeans, and a T-shirt everyday if I could but I’m just as comfortable in a suit. Love food but my perfect meal would have to be a rare+1 tomahawk with a nice bottle of cab sav to go along with it. I’m tired of doing awesome stuff and not having someone to share those adventures with.
I was impressed. He responded in kind; with his own highlight reel. My attention he grabbed. I responded to his diatribe with “I think I’m in love”. He said that he wanted to take me to dinner this weekend. I sent him my cell phone.
Now this was Tuesday night. I had actually made plans with a different guy for Tuesday night but I was not in the mood to clean my house. We had spent some time on the phone and for some reason I didn’t feel like we completely meshed. He was cute. I dunno. Me. CoorsLight sends me a text. I return it with a phone call.
Cancel my other plans.
Four and a half hours later we have phone dated to the point I have to meet this man. The similarities are astonishing. Not just in personality but in like weird coincidental ways too. For instance; I ask his last name it starts with an E. I distinctly remember a conversation with my sis in law after my little sis got engaged. She said you’re going to need a man with an E last name. I was like whatttt... she was like yeah. That’s apparently the best luck in our family. Look, I’m Shannie S and Becca is about to be Becca B. You need to be Emily E. For some reason when Mr CoorsLight told me his name I flashed back to 2011 and that conversation which I don’t think I have thought of in almost a decade.
The next moment I paused after many Frozen like, “finish each other’s sandwiches” moments I asked his birthday. May 27th. I’m the following day May 28th. He tells me his sisters names and my first and middle name are the same. As if that’s not enough. His sisters daughter has the same name as mine, same spelling.
Let’s not forget we have literally everything in common. This man is gearing up to take over the family business. He goes to the lake all summer. The cabin in the fall where he grew up hunting and fishing. He skis in the winter and wants to spend New Years at his cabin in Beaver Creek. He played golf in high school. He doesn’t want kids but he has been married. Raised Methodist. Super close to his family. Talks about his friends. OU football season ticket holder. I mean he is 6’1” with a beard. I’m just floored at all the boxes he’s checking. His openness and letting me learn all about him.
After 4.5 hours we come up with a plan. He’s coming to Tulsa Friday. If we hit it off; he said we can run up to the lake for the weekend. It’s going to be nice. By the time we finally hang up the phone - I’m just planning on him coming to get me and spending the weekend with him.
I don’t know where my ability to connect with someone like this comes from. Maybe it is because I’m such an open book no know myself so well and I am unapologetic about what I’m looking for. You remember my post this summer: I have met him... well I haven’t actually met him yet. Where I put my hearts desire for a future partner in detail down. Manifesting him. Praying for him. Hoping I’d find him.
I wrote that and I have been close to finding it. The handyman; flawed as he is came close. He wasn’t tall but the rest of it was there. I hung onto that longer than I should have. But I walked away feeling really ok with what was meant for me will be mine. That I loved myself enough to not keep on breaking my own heart with him. That I could keep him in my life as a friend. Hear the stories of the women he was filling the void of his ex wife and now me. I let go and chose myself at a faster rate than any time before.
But Mr CoorsLight is saying all the right things. I’m captivated. I’m excited. I can’t wait to kiss him and see if it’s there. If we have that spark. The undeniable energy. If the chemistry I feel over FaceTime and texting and hours upon hours of conversation translates in person. Man, I’m in.
No matter how many times my relationship fails I never cease to remain hopeful. That the man I deeply desire is coming to me. That the ones before have prepared me for him. The dreams and ideas I have for the future include a long term life partner. A best friend to do life, have adventures, and build something with is going to happen. That I am going to get the great love of my life that wants me for the next 40-50 years.
Mr Coorslight has taken my focus from the Handyman. He has given me hope that there is a faithful, fun, steadfast man coming to love me. He’s as excited about me as I am him. He is as wowed by our similarities as I am and he is going to come pick me up, kiss my face, whisking me off to a weekend learning each other, just us.
I’ll keep you up to date...
