Desperate Love

The story of Mr. Mexican Food (Mr. Taco, whatever) inspired the creation of this blog, you can catch up here if needed Time to Blog! Let's not get into the details because that relationship was just dumb. Quite possibly the most embarrassing decision I have made, ever. I seriously cannot think of a relationship I regret more or even a wardrobe choice that was more embarrassing and I grew up in the 80s.

The gist is for some strange reason my best friend Tia decides she knew someone I would really hit it off with, we talk about him, fb stalk him. He and I begin to chat. He tells her that he has been totally done and over his last girl friend for like three months and would love to get to know me. I don't even really know about this ex when we initially go out, just generic last girl friend BS.

For the record, I trust Tia with my life. She has known me for 10 years. She and her husband were mine and my fabulous ex-husbands best couple friends. She is literally family. So in no way could she have ever predicted the out come of Mr. Taco.

Screw it... You need the details to appreciate the outcome!

This relationship moves from zero to common law, as most of my unhealthy affairs. It's a Wednesday night, Maddie and I are headed to Tia's like we do every Wednesday. Mr. Taco is "not feeling well" and is going to eat and take a nap so he might be "out of pocket" for a few hours. A few hours pass, my phone rings, his name flashes, I answer with "Hey Babe! How are you feeling?" The voice on the other end is female.

Allow me to introduce Crazy and I mean CRAZY! I get that boys get in your head and make you do stupid things that you wouldn't normally do. You are reading this blog so not only are you hearing about the dumb decisions I have the tendency to make you are in my head with all my insecurities but this chick takes the cake. We will call her Kim because she looks like a pint size Kim Kardashian minus the money and the fame.

Kim has taken Mr. Taco's phone and gone to the bathroom at the restaurant where they are having dinner. I am taken aback by this call and everything she is saying just seems, well, crazy. So, like any confrontational aggressive women would do, I get in my car, drive the mile to the restaurant and walk into the bathroom.

When she turns to see who it is I have already hung up and say "I prefer to do things face to face." She is in a shaken state of shock, Mr. Taco has left the restaurant. I listen to her rant for about 10 minutes watching her crazy eyes, feeling nothing but pity for her. I can identify in part with the feelings of betrayal and complete loss of control.

As I was walking away and I will never forget this, she asked, "how do you get over this? over him" My response was sincere, "I'm not really sure, you just do, time really heals all I promise." Apparently, I didn't grasp what she was asking, she repeated herself saying, "No, how are YOU going to get over him." What that insinuated offended my competitive nature. "O honey, there is nothing for me to get over, this is something you will have to deal with..."

"You mean you are going to keep seeing him after this?"

"I am not sure. That is for me to decide. I can't wait for his explanation, it's probably really good."

"But after all I have told you!" she was on the verge of angry, but it was over shadowed by a tone of desperation.

As aloof as I could possibly sound, "Don't worry about me sweetheart, I'm a big girl, I'll figure it out."

This is the point in the story my gut said RUN! But I can justify almost anything so run, I did not. I get back to Tia's fill her in, meanwhile Mr. Taco has sent me a novel of an apology on my facebook. It said and I quote, including his use of caps lock but substituting the names:

        "Sunshine, for OUR benefit, I met with Kim tonight to beg her to leave me alone and move on with her life. I do not want you to think horribly of me because I lied to you about what I was doing tonight. This woman will not leave me alone and my lawyer, Matlock, has been contacted to issue a restraining order. I did change my number because she stole my phone and I want her out of my life. You MUST understand that this woman is CRAZY. I want her out of my life and I tried diplomatically and per my lawyers instructions to keep things civil but to no avail. I really really like you and can only imagine what she has done with my phone. My new number is 918-949-xxxx. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS END THIS BULLSHIT WITH HER. I AM SO SORRY BABY AND I AM SURE YOU HATE ME BECAUSE I LIED AND I DON'T BLAME YOU BUT I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND ALL I WANT IS YOU. I HOPE TO GOD I HAVE NOT LOST YOU."

The weeks move on, we seem fine, charging through the steps of a relationship. Then he goes to the super bowl, and crazy emerges again. She hacks his facebook account, deletes me, ads herself as "in a relationship" with him and changes the password. Have I mentioned she is in her 30s and a court reporter, not even I can justify this frantic immature behavior.

At this point she has gotten a hold of my cell and is texting non stop. I am at my wits end, her crazy is officially rubbing off on me. But the passionate rage is something that peeks the interest of my overly competitive, antipathetic tendencies.

Then after I have spent the day playing with his daughter since school was out due to snow. He picks her up from me, and asks if he can have a night with just her. I think its a great idea, but in my gut I know something is just off. So when the phone call comes waking me up and he is telling me he hasn't been completely honest with me, I am not surprised. I know she must be listening and insisting that he confess his love for her to me right then. I am not going to give her the satisfaction of an emotional response and frankly there wasn't one.

I moved on to Mr. Baseball within the week and justice was served. You see, Karma is real. Just ask Mr. Taco. When we exchanged stuff, I said to him "I really wish you the best but this relationship with her that you are trying so desperately to hold on to, is not love. Assault, manipulation, lying, fighting, abusive behaviors, and torturing each other and the people you care about the most, is not love. And if you think this is what love looks like, we never had a chance anyway, because I would never be in a relationship like this. You have no idea what true love actually is, if this is what you aspire to be."

In the few months following they publicized their reunion. Then publicly broke up and got back together a couple times. I find humor in being so unbelievably right. I even got an apology from him for how disrespectful he was in the end to me. I ultimately took the high road, which is rare, but it really paid off. I went against my better judgement but learned in the end that my instincts are to be trusted.

Got Milk?

Do you ever sit there and think about how lucky you are? It is in really strange moments that I find myself thankful for all the people in my life.

Most recently, I was at my office Friday morning gushing over weekend plans and making jabs at my "office big brother" PotRoast, and the subject of baseball came up. We started talking about Ranger Games and my thoughts wondered to one of my Dallas buddies, Milk (B's best friend). I met B and Milk at the same time, B and I hit it off first but I've kept in touch with both.

To understand my relationship with Milk there are a few things you have to know. We communicate mostly over AIM and at work. It started when I was a Mortgage Lender in 2009. He sat at a computer all day and I did too, mostly. Somehow we started IMing and that is how we keep in touch.

You may think that it is extremely impersonal to talk almost exclusively over text but I would disagree. For example, one day I was ranting over something completely pointless but it had passionately enraged me. I was needing to vent and be affirmed of the validity of my opinion (over what I couldn't even tell you). I chose Milk as the person to listen. He willingly did this, via IM and as soon as I was done he asked, "Is it shark week?" Referring to my menstrual cycle. I hastily respond with, "why is that important?" He says, "So it is. OK I just needed to know how to respond." He followed with a completely irrational agreement to whatever it was I was in an uproar about and when I was good and calmed down he said, "I think I know you pretty well, when I can tell from Dallas, over IM, that you are hormonal." I laughed because it's true and he does.

Milk has a special place in my heart. He has given me love and career advice. He is the guy that will listen to me bitch about men and then give me a brutally honest opinion followed by a compliment to cushion the blow of reality.

The talk of Rangers brings him to mind so I log onto AIM just to say hi. He responds to my chipper "how are ya?" with a bland "ok, I guess" leaving me concerned. We delve into what's going on with him which is rare, that he vents to me.

He has committed to keeping his most recent ex's dog, while she goes away for the weekend. He is hurt because she isn't really responding to his texts, and when she does she seems distant, annoyed, or preoccupied, maybe a combination of them all. This hurts his feelings, which it should. So we go into him dealing with the solid move to the "buddy zone" and what he should do about it.

I did what any good girl friend would do, I offered to come to Dallas and take care of the dog with him, insuring her raging jealous and an even playing field. I knew he would laugh and not take me up on this, which is good 'cause I had plans. Then I said "let's say this is me and I am telling you this exact story, because let's face it this sounds like something I would do. What would you tell me?" He and I both answered with what his recommendations would be, acknowledging how difficult it is to follow your own sound advice. Understanding that she was taking advantage of his kindness. She knew he would offer to help her out and that her expectation of him was being fulfilled. I told him, he needed to be comfortable in being just friends. If he wasn't then it was time for some distance to get over her. We talked about how she would come home and communication would revert right back to her normal comfort level but it wasn't fair to have things solely on her terms. I am not sure how much help I was but I do know that I told him I loved him and that he deserved a great girl and that he was still really hot! All the things I would want to hear...

Listening to Milk and telling him how much I appreciate who he is and would do anything I could for him just showed me how blessed I am. I am lucky that I have people in my life I care for this much. He has read some of my blog, laughed at me but I know he wants me to be happy and find a good loving man to share my life with; he supports me. I am not sure he will be too happy as the subject of one of my blog posts and he might not like his nickname either.

Man of My Dreams!

I sure have been a slacker on this blog but since it is so driven by my dating there hasn't been much to say. After Mr. Baseball took the ex-girlfriend he assured me wasn't in the picture on the vacation we had planned I kind of swore off men until 2012. Mr. MexicanFood and Mr. Baseball in the first 4 months of this year is just a sign that I obviously have not figured out my major man issues. 

I may not be dating but I am not dead either. I met the most beautiful man on my birthday at this swanky rooftop bar downtown. I never go to places like this because I am a much simpler girl and the socialite scene is more than I care to keep up with but it was my birthday. So my champagne drinking best friend and my hilarious little sister take me out for some girls night fun. 

This tall extremely handsome guy was pacing past our table on his phone and I over hear his bitching about being at the bar alone. Since I am such a shy girl I turn around, interrupt his phone call and say "it's really OK buddy, we've all been there before, you are just suppose to own it." He laughs, gets off the phone and we continue to talk. A few minutes later three of his friends show up and join our table. I spend my evening laughing and drinking with the Man of My Dreams. 

He is gorgeous, has his Masters from Oregon State, works as the General Manager for the department at a University that seeks corporate sponsorships for the athletic department and he grew up in Northern California, my favorite place on Earth.  I could not have created him better myself. Did I mention he has no kids and is only 31!! Ding. Ding. Ding. 

So far I have played it pretty cool with emails and such surrounding work, there is communication but it's not like he is racing to ask me out and we haven't ventured into any real details about our personal lives. For all I know he is one of those married guys who doesn't wear a ring. I hate them... It must be how boys feel about wonder bras; false advertising. You get all excited and then BAM! Married. 

I will keep you all posted on the progress of the Man of My Dreams but I am sticking to not dating until 2012... At least for now!