Sunday, September 13, 2015

Dealing and Healing Pt. 2: Remember, You Are Desirable

THROW YOUR SH*T IN A BAG AND GET HERE! As I read those words, I thought HELL YES! This is just what I need, a last minute get out of town weekend with one of my favorite girls. All I knew was that whatever happened would not be planned. I knew it would be fun and that I needed to pack for anything. This was going to be a night which usually means a few nights with Bearclaw and that is always an adventure. 

I stopped for gas and two liters of smartwater and headed south on the turnpike for a weekend so epic it could not be planned. 

It started at simple enough with a much needed gab session between two girl friends. We talked about life and love. We went through our last few years of history and just caught up like old friends do when they never miss a beat. A couple of take a ways from that conversation: 

She let me know that the way she was dealing with the end of her marriage was to only focus on today. It is easier said than done but making a conscience effort to not dwell on yesterday and not worry about tomorrow was helpful. I think this is something I need to work on, being more present in the moment. The other thing she is always a supporter of is doing what feels right in the moment. 

Now, I am not saying lets be careless with the decision making abilites of a 22 year old co-ed but give yourself permission to enjoy life and not be worried about how the 5 year plan is coming. Plans change and my life has changed drastically in the last 90 days. 

After a nice sunshiney day at the pool we cleaned up to hit the town. All I wanted to do was get a little drunk and make some bad decisions. Bearclaw was on board with this plan. We hit a nice little rooftop bar for a meal and some drinks. Met some fun people and got our party started. From there, Bearclaw and another girl friend, Mic and I went to a kareoke bar and then to round off our night a little happening place down the road. I had been pretty well maintained up until the last stop. I was nursing my beers at an acceptable rate to keep all composure but then lets just say it took a turn. 

This story ends, or should I say begins with Me, a Swimming Pool and an Assistant District Attorney.

Bearclaw runs into some friends, I see a friend and then there is this man just looking at me. It is a look that I love, he was staring, he was soaking me in and I was giving him every indication that he should in fact come buy me a drink. Now, I am in my element. I was surrounded by people laughing and having a great time but I was also tossing some mad bedroom eyes in this mans direction. It is a neat trick to be totally engaged in your current conversation while heavily flirting just with your eyes a few steps away. 

We finally get introduced, this man is just what the doctor ordered. A friend of a friend, about 6footish or so, nicely taken care of body, preppy collared shirt and a smile for days. Turns out he was an Assistant District Attorney, also going through a divorce with a cheating spouse. We were on the same page in every way. I am pretty sure I looked at Bearclaw before he even approached and said, "I think I have to have him."

The shananigans take flight from there, we spend the next hour chatting, the bar closes and he grabs my hand to lead me out and make a plan. At this point there are 6 of us not quite ready to shut this night down. So, we head to Pete's. Who is Pete? No clue. All I know is Pete has a pool and Pete does not mind if we move the party to his place or so Pete's buddy says. 

Turns out given the recent waive of cool nights that pool was cold... The party dismantals rapidly and I am left drunkenly kissing the ADA. This progresses rapidly but it was exactly what I needed. This man was a lover. He was passionate and engaging, he was the kind of man that made you feel like this was meaningful even if the only meaning was to feel pleasure. He made me feel like a woman, like a smoking hot, desirable woman. That was a feeling I had not had in so long. He wanted me and he was going to make sure I knew I was wanted. 

This was probably the best case scenerio for losing my post break up virginity again. Someone insanely attractive, that I have very little chance of ever running into again, that was the kind of lover that inspires trashy novels. He was delicious and I was enjoying every moment. 

We actually did not sleep, we were the perfect combination of tipsy and full of animalistic desire. This man tapped into a part of me that I was afraid I lost to the rejection of not being enough for my husband. He found the piece of me I was skeptical even existed any more. He was passionate and attentive, he was focused and he made me feel so good. When we did finally dose off for a few he held me close and I let him. 

The ADA was a welcome back gift from the universe. He was exactly what I was hoping to find on my little weekend getaway and this is only night one. I ever expect to hear from this man again, nor do I have any real desire to, but this was just what I needed to take the edge off my Labor Day weekend. 

What the rest of my time has in store for me... I could only imagine...

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