A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO I MADE A LIST. I wrote a blog detailing what I wanted in "My Person". It was ridiculously detailed and can be found HERE. The picture I paint of the man I want to be with is precise. From height to, interests, religious views, family dynamic, how I want them to make me feel. It is raw and well thought out. Probably a little overwhelming when shared with a man trying to determine if he meets this criteria I created. But it really is the desires of my heart expressed as eloquently as I can, with my gift of so many words.
But today... In my morning reading and processing of all my thoughts and feelings; which can be a lot. I realized I have not set out, in writing, with the same detail and thoughtfulness WHO I WILL BE to another person. I looked at this like, here is what I want and I know I will be a good match for this kind of man... But Today. I want to give this some intention. I want to highlight my goals, what is valuable to me, the desires of the heart that I want to bring to the table. Let's look at this from the other side. Let's give some purpose to, who I will be, to this man I am seeking.
I will be a faith-filled partner. I will seek God first wholeheartedly every single day. I will give priority to my relationship with Jesus. I will spend my mornings in prayer, meditation, and devotionals. I say, "I will" but this is something I already do. This is a habit I have cultivated. I will continue to be a student of the Lord. A worthy partner in prayer and I will seek God alongside you, continually renewing my mind and transforming my spirit every day.
I will be a nurturer and a mother. Not only will I continue to work hard at having a healthy relationship with my daughter but I will cultivate relationships with your children as well. I will be respectful of their mother and understand my place as a bonus member of their family. I will step into whatever role is asked of me in blending a family.
I will work, hard and always. I will never rely on you to solely support me or my family. I will use my gifts and talents to create an income and I will contribute. Whether it is a traditional 9-5, or through my consulting company and personal opportunities. Or as I launch this blog, platform, and eventual book for real. I will contribute, and I will be irrationally generous with the abundance provided to me, to us.
I will be a team player. I will prioritize the health and wellbeing of our family as a whole. I will love, and serve, being an example of submissive servitude because I want to be with a leader. I desire to have a protector, provider, leader of the household and I will support that equally.
I know... that sounds super old fashioned from a woman that has been single the majority of her adult life. I have made decisions, raised a daughter, battled through a whole heck of a lot all by myself. I have proven I am absolutely capable of anything. I can lead. I will lead. I don't want to have to be that at home... You will know I am more than capable of pretty much anything I want, all by myself. But you will feel empowered everyday to be our leader.
I will be the most fun you have ever had in your life. I will stay adventurous and seeking new experiences. I will be up for anything and down for whatever. You will have a best friend in me. Want to golf Sunday, I'm in. Feel like spending 8 hours on the couch watching football, done. Concert night and dancing, sign me up! Steak dinner and an over priced bottle of wine, yes please. Night in the middle of the woods by a fire, 100%. I want to go and do and experience everything this beautiful life has to offer with you.
I will continue to work on myself. To identify strengths and weaknesses. I will be a good steward of the gifts I have been given. I will never stop learning. I will always be growing and working to be the very best version of myself. I can promise the person you are getting is better than anyone before you has ever gotten. That will be true forever.
I will prioritize my health. Physically I will stay in the gym and make sure I am challenging myself to be the strongest I can. I will be mindful of my heart, literally. So that I can be on this planet as long as possible with you. I will stay mindful of my medical conditions. Follow up on doctors visits, actively fight any obstacle placed before me. I will not get wrapped up in complacency now that I have you but I will be better for it. And I will push you in the same way... to do the same. To stay on track and on target so we are both as able bodied as possible.
My spiritual health already comes first, but my mental health and growth will stay top of mind as well. When I see the deep dark scary place on the horizon. I will not shut down. I will lean into you. I will let you see my brokenness trusting, in my weakest moments, you will be our strength. I will do my best to be the same for you.
I will cherish the intimacy and vulnerability between us. I will do my best to lead with love in all situations. I will not take the secrets that you intrust in me and use them against you. I will not weaponize your vulnerability or withhold affection as a form of manipulation. I will be aware of the health of our relationship and work diligently at maintaining our connection long term. I will water the grass on this side of the fence always.
You will have no need to question my faithfulness, loyalty, or steadfastness. I will be the Proverbs 31 woman - a wife of noble character. You will have "full confidence" in me. I will "bring [you] good and not harm, all the days of [my] life." I will "work with eager hands" I will "get up while it is still dark; [providing] food for our family and portions for those we serve." I will "set about [my] work vigorously; arms strong for my tasks." I will "open [my] arms to the poor and extend hands to the needy." I will make it a goal to be "clothed in strength and dignity; to laugh at the days to come." "To speak with wisdom, and faithful instruction." I will "watch over the affairs of the household, and not eat the bread of idleness." I will fear the Lord.
You see, I won't value things the way the world does. I will not forget the lessons I have learned the hard way. I will not bring past pain to you to heal. I will seek to do the work on myself so you are getting the very best version of me. I have finally found the kind of woman I truly want to be.
I might cuss too much, and you may have to watch me on whisky drinkin' nights. I might tell stories of lovers past that make you uncomfortable, but I do it so I can connect with other women. The generation that comes behind me navigating the heartbreaking world of dating. I will never try to hurt you or stir up jealousy. I will ensure that you feel loved and chosen every single day.
I will maintain my independence and my friendships. I will never put the burden of my happiness on you. But just like Ruth, "Do not urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me."
I will probably always be a walking contradiction of simple and high maintenance; of over the top and super chill. But trust me, I know how to find contentment on my own and will just seek to be your partner. I hope you are as self aware and open to communication as I am because I see what I bring to the table and want to be "equally yoked" with someone long term.
Also, I think I accidentally may have written some wedding vows here. So, Man I am currently giving my time an attention to, don't freak out when/if you see this... I may or may not be for you. That is yet to be determined. But I won't push you or change you or try to rush anything I will learn you. If we seamlessly fit together and this is my longterm... then I hope you feel as lucky as me to find what you have always been looking for... and if I am not your woman... well I hope you feel loved, and cared for in the time we are together.
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