I AM STRUGGLING WITH THE HANDYMAN OR MAYBE HE IS STRUGGLING WITH ME. His ex is a combination of my last two significant relationships. She’s a narcissistic cheating sociopath with an incessant need for attention and a pattern of behavior he overlooked.
Chuck’s Mistress has wrecked this man. She has taken all of his pieces and made him question everything. Who he is, what he knows, what he wants, what he is capable of. She took from him personally, in business, financially, and almost cost him his children. She’s the devil.
I don’t even call her The Devil maliciously, it’s an accurate description. She is a pretty package. She’s obviously driven or they wouldn’t have built the companies they have and she’s continuing to run them albeit most likely into the ground. She is attractive. Good little figure, fake tits, classic face. She’s a mom. Surely she’s a good one. I feel like good mother can be a relative term, but that a whole other story. She has a lot of “friends” and acquaintances, he says she was so fun with a magnetic personality.
She’s a pretty package but who she is under that; that’s what makes her the devil. You see the devil is a pretty package. In Christian faith we are taught that - you aren’t tempted into sin by things that aren’t attractive. You don’t go against your faith or hurt other people or yourself for something you don’t desire. It’s a pretty hot and tempting package - the devil.
The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Chuck’s mistress may not have set out to do those things but as the temptation for better or more presented itself she went for it. She fed her needs at the expense of others. She fed the wolf inside her that needed men to want her, that weaponized sex, the one that justified her satisfaction at the expense of her promises with, if he doesn’t know it doesn’t hurt. She got to the point where even if he did know it was ok; he wanted her happy. She compartmentalized who she was as a person. Part loving wife and mother; part out right whore and liar.
As you can imagine; I get this. I lived this. I have been broken by this exact thing. She cloaks herself in righteousness, claiming God loves her and being a part of her church. She is a Jesus loving woman that will screw your friends husband.
Enough about her; you get the picture and Devil is an accurate depiction.
I don’t know who The Handyman was before her. I don’t know his patterns or what she used to justify her behavior. He’s a man. He isn’t perfect. I don’t know the trail of broken hearts or the women who fell hard for him that he didn’t reciprocate. I don’t know the dynamic. I know him now.
This kind of betrayal, changes you. It is a humbling experience. It changes your perception of what you should value. You become more concerned about character, loyalty, faith, honesty, trustworthiness than you are about big tits and a good blow job.
So I am getting the raw version of this man. The one that tears up when he feels really loved and connected to me. The one that carries the pain of disappointing and hurting his boys and family. The man that deeply desires a relationship with God and wants that as his foundation. The man that is working hard to rebuild and start over.
He cares for me and calms me. He tries so hard to be what I need and what I want. He hates that his pain and healing isn’t complete. He hates that he is simultaneously getting past her and falling for me.
He runs from me. He gets so worried about hurting me that he pushes me away. He comes back because it’s not like he’s not going to date. So what’s his plan, end things with me and find someone he likes LESS. Date a girl he doesn’t really connect with.
He still gets sad. I know he misses the life he had. The family unit they had created. How could you not. He isn’t a monster.
He asks me why I’m here; why I’m doing this to myself and I don’t have a good answer. I am not trying to fix him. I know I can’t. I have walked this process and it’s something he has to do for himself. I don’t see him as a project, I just see him.
I know their relationship is over. It’s irreparable. I know he is wired for love and connection, that he is vulnerable and some lucky woman will have him and he will love her in the most passionate, selfless way. I know this because I know he loves me. He tells me but more importantly he shows me. So when he asks why am I here? My response is usually because I’m not losing what we have to the memory of Chucks mistress.
I might be totally wrong but I do believe you can build a new relationship on top of the ruins of the last. I read this in an article and I can’t come up with a better way of articulating it “The importance of getting over someone is a myth.” “We should encourage each other to hold on to the good memories.” “It is possible, I think, to have a new relationship that builds on top of the gravelly ruins of the last using the old skills and affection to make the next one better, bigger.” “Good relationships can totally benefit from the reflection and melancholy that comes after heartbreak, and perfect relationships don’t always start at perfect times.”
This man is working to heal. He didn’t mean to find me or to fall in love with me. I don’t know why this is the timing we were given. Our connection is undeniable. Our foundation is healthy. We communicate better than any couple I know. We are open and vulnerable and raw and broken. We don’t have expectations of forever. We don’t have plans for a while life together. We aren’t in a rush. I love him with patience I didn’t know I was capable of, a trust in him that I have never had. He is kind and has a servants heart. He wants to please me and provide and loves my mind and he literally makes me want to be the very best version of myself.
So I’m not giving up this outrageously gorgeous man with kind eyes that are so blue you get lost and rock hard biceps that wrap around me. The softest lips and the most passionate kisses that melt me. That walks from the bed to the bathroom and looks like a Greek god. With a heart of gold that wants me healthy and happy and does whatever he can for me. He tells me everything even the parts that might hurt because he doesn’t ever want to lie to me. This man prays over me. He spoils my daughter and spends time with us. He’s happy to have me around his parents and is patiently waiting for the day when it’s appropriate to have me around his kids.
I’m not giving up on this man that checks all my boxes and makes me want to be the most loving patient person on the planet. He brings out the best in me. I’m not losing him to the memory of chucks mistress. A life that doesn’t exist and a person that was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I’ll wait. I’ll hold his hand and kiss his neck and keep him calm and wait. I’ll slowly build with him the foundation of our future taking the good bricks from the lessons learned and throwing out the broken.
I waited 36 years for a man that prayed over my days. I can wait a little more.
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