Everyone Wants a Handyman

I AM BREAKING MY PATTERN AND WRITING AGAIN. I’m just in the mood to get it all out there. Savor the memories and lock them in time on my little online diary that gets shared with a very select few. I’m waking up this morning under my weighted blanket and I’m thankful, reflective, and hopeful of the future I’m manifesting. 

The handyman and I are the literal healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in and it was the most unintentional thing. So, I told you I had been over the world traveler, at least known he wasn’t my person since his first major meltdown while in Croatia. He had this habit that was like a beacon rescue light, bright red and flashing. He clears out his phone. Hear me out: I have met one man who has created the habit of deleting all of his back text messages. One. There is never a string of what you’ve talked about. He clears it all. The one man I met had that habit because he was a literal sex addict. He kind of broke it but that’s because he just gave the hookers a number from an app he used on his phone. So our 5th day in Europe drinking on a boat in the middle of the Mediterranean, I look over and he is texting some girl and it is heart eye and kissy face emojis and an I miss you text. Like what the actual effe. You flew my ass to the other side of the world and your texting some chick you still are apparently talking to that you miss her and kissy face?!! Come the F*ck On!!! 

I didn’t overreact at all. You know me. I’m cold and dead inside. Some dude feeding me bullshit and texting another girl, damn that’s just like home for me. I was just like “oh really...“ and I laughed. He was obviously upset and I let him throw his temper tantrum. He didn’t have much of an explanation and I wasn’t throwing anything in his face. I was just surprised. I literally didn’t even say anything. He lost his mind. It was in that moment I was like well fuck. This will never work but I had 6 days left on an island vacation and I was going to make the best of it. 

All of this to say, we were over before we ever really had a chance to start. So when my passive aggressive distance and no sex since Athens finally wears him down and he breaks up with me. (I know, I’m horrible) I was back on bumble the moment he said “we should talk”.

So I match with this outrageously attractive ex firefighter. I remember looking at his profile thinking I am going to have to lose 50lbs before this hottie is going to be into me. Hope I still look enough like these pictures. He sends me a message that says hey - I’m super busy. I’m on my phone all day, here is my number and my name. You can check me out on social media, call me if you want to talk. So I text the number some snarky text like, “hey it’s Emily, I’m ok with skipping straight to texting and I’ll stalk you on social media in a few.” The text delivers as green and I am confused because like who doesn’t have an iPhone? 

So I message him on bumble and say, I always get weirded out when texts aren’t iMessages. Like is this an app number you gave me to hide your dating life from your wife or something? Who doesn’t have an iPhone? He responds. Sorry wrong number... I fat fingered it. Here is my cell. 

So I text his right number and said welp, thanks for that... some total stranger wants to know why Emily is stalking him now. 

He dies laughing and immediately FaceTimes me. 

I decline. 

Whattttt.... I have on no make up, last nights ratty hair and an oversized firefighter tee with no bra. Lord. So I said hang on let me at least remove last nights mascara from under my eyes and brush my hair. I’ll call you back. 

I do. I look rough, opt for dim lighting and hope my sparkling personality seals the deal. Call him back. He is in a full blown belly laugh at my stalking text to a wrong number. We talk while he’s in the pick up line at school. It’s effortless. We laugh nonstop. 

The beginning he asks what I’m looking for and I said literally to date. I told him: I have 18 months left with my daughter under my roof. I’m not trying to move in and build a future with someone. I don’t want to be racing towards forever. I want a fancy dinner or a fun date night once a week. I want someone who will go to concerts or things that I needed be a couple for, other than that I don’t care. I have a great job, a full wonderful life, amazing friends and I’m not letting anything rock my baby girls last year and a half at home. 

He replies good. I’m not looking for anything serious; let me tell you what’s wrong with me. I’m going through a nasty divorce that I hope won’t take forever but realistically it’s going to drag on for years. I built 3 companies in a short time with my ex wife. She started screwing one of my business partners. We tried to make it work, went back and forth for months. She kept cheating and lying. I even offered her an open marriage just desperate to make it work. Finally it got so bad my kids mom filed to take custody from me and I moved. So I had been staying with my parents during our back and forth and living with them was helping the boys mom feel comfortable with our custody arrangements. So I have decided I’m staying here a while. So if you’re cool with a 43 year old that lives with his parents and has a bat shot crazy ex wife trying to destroy his companies and life. I’m your man. 

I said oh my god!... you aren’t going to be good for anyone for a while. 

He said “nope, but I’m a lot of fun.” 

So I said cool. I lived with my parents. Heck I’m still just a handful of bad decisions away from something like that. Also as I mentioned before, I don’t want to marry you, live with you, build a life with you. I basically want to find someone I like to hang out with that I’m hopefully attracted to that is a good time. Let’s keep talking. 

We text and talk nonstop and then we meet for coffee. He walks in hugs me and I immediately have to take a conference call. He sits for 30 mins while I work. Then when I get off my call, he kisses me. Oh my god I melt. His lips are soft and his kisses are perfect. F*ck. 

We make plans for Friday night. I have friends going to the concert at hard rock and I want to country dance after at track 5. We end up having dinner Wednesday and Thursday night too. 

We have so much fun. He’s gorgeous and I can’t tell you how many women come up and want to dance with him and how perfectly all over me he is. “Sorry mam, all my dances are reserved for her.”

The 5 days of talking nonstop and one amazing kiss before this night I was already in trouble. We just align. Our faith, how it’s a priority and where we are with it. Our life experiences. My empathy in his divorce. How I understand his pain and the healing process. Our deep desire for trust and a real relationship even though we both are capable of just dating casually. Parenting styles. Co-parenting styles. Business goals. Long term plans. All of it. We fit. 

Saturday we go to brunch and Monday we book a weekend getaway to Napa because that is how I roll. 

I had to be in Sacramento for work anyway, I left Sunday and he didn’t have he kids that weekend before Christmas. No one was buying me a damn thing and my kid had stuff going with her dad so I said hey! Napa is an hour from Sacramento. Fly in Thursday and let’s stay until Sunday. We can say Merry Christmas to us in wine country this weekend. I used points for one of his flights. Hotels were cheap. Cars cheap. It was like under a grand to get him there and for the car rental and a hotel. 

So he spends the week working. I work in Sacramento and we FaceTime every morning and every night. The night before my meetings laying in bed talking, he said I’m going to pray over your day tomorrow. He does, out loud on FaceTime this man prays for me. For wise words and understanding for the ability to articulate to open minds and hearts and do his work. I cry. Tears stream from my face listening to him speak affirmations and intercede on my behalf. This man knows my heart and nurtures  my soul. 

The day before he arrives I said, go to my house and bring me warm clothes let’s go to Tahoe for one night!!! I’ve never been. Let’s find snow on Christmas. So he does. He goes and gets clothes and packs a bag and brings them to me. We go to Tahoe. Have an amazing time. We laid in the room for hours talking. Learning so much and just creating this real raw intimacy. We had an amazing steak dinner and went to play craps. Lost out asses at the craps table but he turns to me with entirely too much alcohol in his system and says, Emily I am completely in love with you, shit, I wasn’t going to say that for a long time but I am in love with you. 

I was SHOCKED. I mean, I knew it. He was fallingl for me the moment we met and  the way he looked at me. But really it was the morning after we had gone out dancing. We made sweet perfect love and it wasn’t drunk sex. It was intentional and intimate and amazing and after he said, that doesn’t happen. I knew that he loved me then. I knew I was falling hard for that man then. I knew if the sex was good and it was great... I was in trouble. 

Still completely in shock a whopping 10 days from our first FaceTime conversation- the L word had come out of his mouth. I hugged him and kissed and said I’m completely in love with you too and we are fucking morons. 

The weekend was amazing. Wine country is stupid romantic. The food, drinks, and scenery. We are perfect and so happy. We get to the airport to come home and the internet to the entire airport had been knocked out so like 10 flights cancelled and 5 hours of delays with thousands of people missing flights. 

He calmly rebooks us for the following day, finds and adorable Airbnb in old town Sacramento and takes me for Mexican food and margs. I was so amazed. No stress. Nothing he could do about the delay. He solved our problem and made the best of it. I could not ask for more. 

Not to compare them as people but in contrast, when I was coming home from Europe and in line for customs with 45mins to get to my gate or miss my next flight, the world traveler was losing his shit. I mean cussing, blaming people around us for being slow, wanting to cut the line, it was embarrassing. I had a 300lb manchild throwing his at that point usual fit in an airport of strangers. 

So my anxiety was high, knowing Mr Handyman has kids at home he wants to try and see and a company to run and fires to fight. He was so easy and calm and just kissed me and told me not to worry. 

Where did this angel of a man come from and what kind of crack was his crazy ex smoking that she traded this lover in for a chance at private plane money and a bigger yacht? Thank you Jesus for other people’s stupidity. I know for a fact no amount of money is worth losing this man. 

We have had a wonderful holiday together. I have loved knowing him and loving him and I see a future and I am not in a rush. It’s all in gods hands and on his timing. I just thank him every day that I get to have him in my life. That he loves me well and loved me fast and wants me to be happy and sees a life with me in the future too. 

Plus he has abs. I thank god for those abs too.